A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:dear cupidi've been seeing a guy for almost 3 months now , and on saturday, he beat me.. i dnt how to forget the images of when he beat , i love him and dont want to leave him, i love him too much, how do i go about getting things back to normal,but m scared that if i say something that he dont like, he wil snap again and beat meplease help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Marcia66  +, writes (25 August 2009):
My dear
Firstly a big hug and I empathise with you because i have gone through the same experiences myself. now i realise what an idiot i was to hope a man wouldnt hit me - so i decided to become independant and i found one who i love even more who is not aggressive and would never humiliate or downgrade me by hitting me. he would die first.
if you want to be the underdog, being bullied by someone who has no respect - then best of luck. perhaps you could purchase a suit of armour - like the men used to wear into battle years ago - because you are going to need it!
the choice is yours
with love
a caring friend
A
female
reader, Myrtis  +, writes (24 August 2009):
 Auntie Myrtis is about to get reallllyy serious -
This man is an abuser! He will never change! He gets his kicks from watching you suffer and grovel! Basically he hates women and is taking it out on you! Please don't continue to be a punching bag for a mentally ill man. You might think you like his attention...his loving...his whatever. Well, how will you like looking at yourself in the mirror after he knocks out your teeth? And who will want you then? Look after yourself and get out now, or you are as sick as he is.
Auntie Myrtis has spoken. You better listen.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): ok, i am going to keep this very simple. i know someone who was abused by their boyfriend and let me tell you sweetie, it will not stop. this gives him control; after just 3 months youre scared of this guy? please leave while you can. you feel like you love him, but i think your just scared to love someone else because of him. there is someone out there who will treat you a whole lot better than this guy ever could - he should never have laid his hands on you and i know youre scared but you cannot stay with this man. let me know what happens, email me if you want more advice. AAJ.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): You need to get out of there asap and don't return. A very high percentage of abusive relationships only get worse, not better. Just because you love him, doesn't mean things will change for the better, and if you stay with him, you are agreeing to a duration of beatings from him. This is only the first time it has happened so make it the last!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): You need to get out of there asap and don't return. A very high percentage of abusive relationships only get worse, not better. Just because you love him, doesn't mean things will change for the better, and if you stay with him, you are agreeing to a duration of beatings from him. This is only the first time it has happened so make it the last!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): I know you may love him, but it doesn't change how he feels towards you (which isn't much) and it won't stop him from doing it again and again. If you stay in this relationship he will continue to abuse you, because he knows you love him and won't want to leave him. If he's doing this 3 months in I dread to think what else he could be capable of YEARS down the line, if you make the mistake of staying with him.
I agree with Collaroy, by the way you've written, you may not take our advice and will continue to let him do this to do, purely because of what you feel for him. Real love doesn't equal beatings and walking on egg shells in order to PREVENT beatings. If you stay, soon enough he'll find any excuse to hit you, and then he'll make you feel like you deserve it and that it was YOUR fault he got so angry that he hit you.
You know it's wrong, otherwise you wouldn't be writing here. I can understand that you'll be scared of what he may do if you leave him, but if this happens you need to get the police involved. In fact, you should report him NOW for what he has already done.
If you want to be feel safe, happy and loved by someone who doesn't abuse you or disrespect you in this way, then please try to find the courage to leave. Talk to friends and/or family for support, because they can help you through this.
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A
male
reader, Dr T +, writes (24 August 2009):
Get the hell away from him as soon as possible. You say you love him but what about his feelings for you? Love is about trust, respect and admiration... beating you shows none of these. You have been assaulted, if you want to help this guy then leave. It will show him he cannot behave like this.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 August 2009):
 Get out of this relationship. You don't deserve to be beat, and if he were any real boyfriend to you, it would have never happened. If he did this after 3 months, stay, you'll get years of his beatings. He's an abuser, and you need to be safe for yourself. No guy is worth staying with if being with him is hell.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): Im going to agree with the first answer it wont ever change i was in a relationship like that for 4 years it started when i was just 13 and i left when i was about 17 it is not the life you want you say you love him but is that really enough for you to live your life like that is your relationship that serious you have only been dating 3 months what do you expect in the future cause that will never ever change well goodluck i hope you really think this through
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): Three months isn't enough time to know if you're really in love with someone. What you're feeling is likely infatuation. Regardless, having feelings for someone will never, ever justify physical abuse. The only way to avoid this from happening again is to leave him, and put as much distance between the two of you as possible. Staying in the relationship will only make him think it's okay to treat you like you're nothing.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (24 August 2009):
 My dear,
he has got you in a vice grip. I suggest you get ready for more beatings, especially now that he knows he can get away with it, he will do it at his leisure. Don't worry about saying something that will make him snap, he will do this for you . It won't be anything in particular, because he has found what he has been looking for - a punching bag.
Mark my words, he will tell you it is your fault, that you are driving him to hit you.. in other words its all your fault. Get used to this , this is your future.
Alternatively, you can go stay with some friends, report him to the police for domestic violence and get a restraining order taken out on him. Then you can get over this monster, and meet someone who will treat you with respect.
Unfortunately , given the tone of your letter, I fear you are going to chose the option which will bring more beatings.
I just hope you survive to tell the tale. I also hope your family care about you enough to take you away from this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): You have been abused! Realise it and realise that even though you love him you CANNOT put up with being abused! Seek help- tell family, friends. When you are away from him tell him that you will not see him again until he makes up for beating you and promises never to again!
Or better leave him and get a bf that will not beat you!
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