A
male
age
30-35,
*hrisgold
writes:Me and my girlfriend started dating at the end of our 9th grade year, but the next year she moved 2 hours away. Since then we have still been together and in about 2 and a half weeks it will be 3 years since we started dating. Recently though she has been telling me that she needs some space, so i told her it wasnt a problem and gave it to her. Jus last night she told me again and now said she needs a "break". We went on a "break" for a while last year too and she tells me its because us not seeing each other all the time is very hard for her. She said that whenever we are together she coudlnt be happier but when we're apart things are different and she feels like she needs a break. Over our time together we've always talked about how much we love each other and how we know that we have a future together. I know that we still love each other but it worries me that shes asking for another break only 5 months after we got back together from a another break. I personally dont believe in breaks because its like telling the other person i want to forget about you but only for a little while, then we can be togther again. During our last break i also found out bc she is honest with me that she was kissing another guy. Even though we're not going out it made me feel like i had been cheated on and only made the whole break thing worse. Im worried that something might happen again because if it does i wont know if i can trust her anymore. What can i do to stop this break or end it sooner, and What does it mean that she is acting like this?
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female
reader, penta +, writes (25 May 2007):
 Hi Chrisgold,
First things first: if you were on an agreed-to break, she wasn't cheating by kissing someone else. I actually see it as a very good thing that she feels she can tell you about kissing someone else; it says that you have honesty going for you, and that's a big deal.
If you still consider it cheating then you need to stop agreeing to breaks. But here's the thing: if you don't want to agree to the breaks that she wants, you should break up altogether. You can't chain her and expect that she'll choose you willingly.
If I were in your position, this is what I would do (did do, in my early 20s, actually): agree to date other people. If everyone involved knows that you're dating other people (even -- or especially -- the "other people") then it's not cheating. It's called "dating."
I think both of you need to know your options. Maybe once you've BOTH dated others, once you get back into the same location you can try exclusivity again. Right now it doesn't look like pining away for you when you're not there is something she's interested in. So you should try dating other people.
The good news is that if you try it this way and then she agrees later to be with you and only you, then you'll know she'll probably never cheat on you. She's already shown you she's honest. When you finally are exclusive, she'll know what's out there and will have made an informed choice -- you.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Chrisgold +, writes (25 May 2007):
Chrisgold is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm 18 jus to let you guys know not 14-15...haha and if things work out we are supposed to be going to college about 20 min from each other
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2007): I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you're both too young for a long-distance relationship. It's hard enough to have those when you're 30, much less at 14 or 15 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you and it appears that you're g/f is starting to feel the strain of being devoted to just one guy, at such an early age, and then to be living in different cities to boot. I think the best thing for both of you is to break it off completely - for now. Go about your school work, start seeing other people and eventually if it's meant to be, you can always hook up later, like in college, or after college and see if there's still something there. You know what they say, if you set someone free and they come back to you it was meant to be -- and if they don't that was also meant to be. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (24 May 2007):
 I think the truth is this: She's not ready for any kind of commmitment. Now that she's in a new place, she probably wants to be able to flirt with random people, and test the waters. You, on the other hand, have different needs, and I think it's time for you to let her go. Sometimes loving someone means letting them find their own route to happiness, and being happy for them. If she loves you, she'll come back, and if not, remember the good times.
DV1
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