A
female
age
41-50,
*ro
writes:What should i follow,my mind or my heart? My mind tells that i have to leave my husbnd for the cheat he did in our relationship. but my heart tells that i have to give him another chance for the sake of our marriage life..Im confused...any advice would help me a lot...thanks... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, StarGazer78  +, writes (2 June 2007):
 Cheating is very hard to get over, I'd advise leaving him, is it worth the risk of him doing it again? Do you trust him, can you? Good luck.
A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 Cheating is wrong. He made a choice, and he's got to live with it. You deserve someone that's going to be faithful. There's nothing else that needs to be analyzed or said.
DV1
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 You have already had 2 good responses to your question and the only one who can truly decide is you at the end of the day.
Every one who gives advice on this site is an individual and we all view situations differently for one reason or another, some from personal experiences and some from just the way we are.
From my point of view I was cheated on for 2 and a half years and did not know for a very long time. I was in a long term relationship and the main reason for everything happening was lack of communication and attention. We had a young baby and our sexual desires changed and our lives changed with the introduction of this little person who needed us more than ever. I think jealousy from my partner at the time as my attention was on our daughter rather than him also contributed to it as well.
Yes, it does make a difference if it was a long term thing that went on and whether it was a full on sexual relationship or not or just casually seeing someone due to problems at home.
I made a point of saying that we needed to go to Relate and talk things through with an unbiased counsellor and then we were referred onto separate counsellors as well as a couple counsellor. It does all add up with the cost of counselling and if money is tight I would suggest a couple of sessions with Relate which can be anything from £20 upwards depending on your financial circumstances.
What did come out from it all was that we did not talk about all the important things but just skirted them instead. It makes you a stronger person as well as you start to understand that we react to a lot of things but fail to listen to what the other person is saying most of the time.
I felt that if after counselling it was not meant to be then at least I had tried everything to salvage the relationship, in our case too much damage had been done and trust had gone.
You have to do what is right for you, but I would say that trying counselling does mean that you both come to that decision jointly and you can reprimand yourselves afterselves for not at leasting trying to save your relationship.
Wish you well.
Take care and keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (24 May 2007):
 You have not given the details about the cheat...was it with a family member, friend, stranger, long term, one night, were you unattentive, etc....If it was for a reason that will not change, then leave, if it was for a reason that can change, then stay and give it a shot.
-FBK
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