A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 years old and I have never been in a relationship. In the past year I have become close to a old work friend, about 7 months ago we slept together and it was my first time. After the first time we slept together we had a big argument because he said it shouldn't have happened. We found it a bit awkward at work but since then have carried on having sex. I asked him where it was going because we hadn't talked about that. He told me he didn't want a relationship. We agreed that we wouldn't let us sleeping together affect our friendship and continued. We text each other every day and get on really well. But I think I have feelings for him and I'm scared if I tell him it will ruin our friendship. I thought I could keep things casual and not allow myself to develop feelings but I can't stop thinking about him. I'm scared of losing the relationship we have now and also our friendship if I tell him about my feelings. I don't want this thing to end between us but I don't think I can tell him how I feel because it could be the end to everything. Please help, I don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell iv told him how i feel because i couldnt not realy. And as i guessed he doesnt want a relationship but i actually feel ok because now i know where i stand and can move on. he was realy understanding and said theres no way he's guna let it ruin our friendship and i trust him 100% on that. im not putting the blame all on him because thats not fair i was involved too and i let myself get in to deep i knew a few months ago he didnt want a relationship and i thought we could have fun and keep it casual but these things must just mean more to females. im actually suprised how well iv have taken it im just gald we are still friends because he was and still is one of my closest friends. and he realy is a genuinly nice down to earth person who i hope to be friends with for a long time. i just have to put it down to one of lifes experiances and move on. new year, new start. i would like to thankyou for the advice because i think i would have bottled it up and not said anything at all.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 January 2009):
 He's been pretty clear about what he feels about the relationship the two of you have, friends with benefits. That is ALL he wants. Either you use him, like he is using you or you stop having sex and see if you can still remain friends.
I'm pretty sure if he wanted a full blown relationship he would have initiated it already. He doesn't have the same feeling for you as you do for him.
I'm sorry if that is not what you want to hear :(
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (1 January 2009):
 Then go back to being friends with him WITHOUT the benefits! You will never meet or even want anyone else while you're still seeing him and seeing him in this way is only causing you emptiness and pain. If he's any friend at all then he'll still talk to you without the sex being there. If he doesn't then it's another indication of him using you.
Once one door closes another door opens. Get out there, be proud of who you are. Laugh and have fun with your friends and someone will come along who sees your wonderful personality shine through first and foremost. You don't need this guy hun, he's holding you back! You deserve so much more and you'll get it... just be patient... and positive.
~Eve~
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know what your saying is right and I think I just don't want to admit it. The thing is before anything ever happened between us we were really good friends we've known each other for 4 years now, we both have new jobs so don't see each other as much. Sometimes when we are talking or texting it's just like we are best mates because we talk about normal things. The last thing I want is to lose him as a friend but I did say to him we could carry on like we were without being in a relationship so he has no idea that I have feelings for him. I think I'm scared of being alone because I'm 21 and have never had a relationship, I think that's why I'm holding on to him. Deep down I know this has to end sometime, it's just hard to think about it. I feel like I am the only one out of my friends that hasn't had a relationship, I seem to push guys away when realy I hate the thought of being on my own. I want the closeness and love that comes with a relatioship because at the moment I just feel empty. I suppose sometimes talking to him is a way of forgetting about all that. I'm so confused I cant think straight.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (1 January 2009):
To him, having sex with you is only a release! He's using you I'm afraid. When a woman sleeps with a man emotions nearly always kick in and they start developing feelings for the person but men are different. He's already made it plain to you that he doesn't want a relationship but now that you have developed feelings for him you'd rather continue having empty sex with him than nothing at all. This is unhealthy for you and I'd advise you to call a halt to it. Maybe once he sees you're not so keen then he'll start to miss what he had with you and start to develop feelings when he DOESN'T get what he wants.
Play harder to get with him but don't sleep with him again unless he's willing to take you out and form a proper relationship. If he's not then he's not worth it! Let him find some other female to "use".
~Eve~
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