A
female
age
30-35,
*issEmilina
writes:Dear Cupid,I recently got out of a very bad and extremely hurtful "friends with benefits" relationship that lasted around 7 months. It ended badly and I suffered a lot of emotional abuse and got my heart broken, by an absolutely horrible person.So anyway, two weeks ago I met this guy at a party and my friend gave him my number. We have been texting and he seems really nice. Yesterday he asked me what we were, e.g. friends, meeting, friends with benefits or do I want to go out? He said that since we get on and he likes me that whatever I want is cool.I froze and said I didn't know and he said let him know. I do want to go out with but I'm afraid of getting hurt like I did before and I'm just very confused on what to do. Can you help me decide on what I should do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): What ever you don't fall into a situation with this guy like the last guy that broke your heart. I was in a situation like that for 6 months and it really screwed me up bad too. That plus childhood problems I went through messed me up; I even had to go to counseling. Go out with this guy, but keep your ground, if you at any point think it will take a bad toll just say no. Listen to your instinct. You control your life and you can improve it too.
A
male
reader, koenig  +, writes (31 May 2009):
We can't tell you what to choose, only you know exactly how you feel. But perhaps this advice will help.
Take it slow.
That will give you a lot of protection from getting hurt. You'll be able to get a good idea of what your relationship is and where it's going before you get in too deep.
What I mean is, if you let things like happen in time, after months not weeks, you'll know whether he wants more from you than just sex (or similar) or whether there will still be anything left once you've gone all the way. Same with everything else when it comes to getting serious, don't rush into anything. If they guy is impatient and he leaves, that'll be his loss, not yours.
Trust is something that you'll build over time. As time goes on and you realise that he's a decent kind of guy (as I hope he will be), you'll get less scared about getting hurt and more secure in what you have. Unfortunately trust is something that you can't just clap your hands and have, it's something that has to grow with your relationship.
If you like him. Why not go for a relationship and see what happens? Remember to take it one step at a time though, don't let either of you get ahead of yourselves. And please, do yourself a favour and have the self-respect to leave anyone who starts to abuse you (emotionally or any other way), they're not worth it.
I hope it turns out well!
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