A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend always seems afraid to tell me things about his past. He was married before and has two kids. He also has had felony charges for drugs. Last time we hung out I caught him smoking, but he has quit now. At the time he was down to one cigerette a day. I know he is a good person and I care about him no matter what. He is trying to change his life around and I know that he can do it. How do I let him know it is ok to just be open with me? Also do you think he feels like he isn't good enough for me since he has a troubled past? Sometimes he acts like he is unsure of us, and I don't know what to think. I know I need to talk to him about this, but I just wanted to get some advice first.
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (31 May 2009):
 Young Lady,
You cannot change anyone that does not want to be changed.
You "caught him smoking". Are you his mother?
He can only stop these behaviors for himself, not for you or anybody else. I'm sorry, but thats is just the way it is with addiction. But of course if you are browbeating him it makes it worse and will harbor resentments and he will eventually get to the point where he will do it just to spite you.
As far as a felony record? Is he working, or having trouble getting work? If that is the case, his P.O. should be able to help. Recidivism is atrociously high right now, and it is understandable that he may have trouble.
BUT:
he has to have the intestinal fortitude to be able to overcome it. He has to take the steps
How do I know? Try having multiple felonies in multiple countries (not counties..COUNTRIES), and being a recovering addict...thats me. I overcame it over a 20 years span to have been able to rebuild my life, get a couple of Masters Degrees and own two businesses.
But as far as being open...you have to simply keep working at it and show honesty on your part.And I believe you are. Sit him down and put the ball in his court.I am sure he has some self esteem issues stemming from the charges(that is inescapable), but I would suggest maybe that you both give relationship counseling a crack. It's obvious you love and care about him, and that is a great starting point.
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