A
male
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*elboy1681
writes:Last year I was in a relationship with a girl who I loved a great deal and i thought that she felt the same, she found out that she was pregnant and in september last year she had a baby girl, i dont know if she is my child, I was used and hurt by her emotionally, to the point that I have had to see a psychiatrist for depression and as of this I have been off my work since december and financially I was almost put on a credit black list. I have finally started to get my life back together, I have met someone else and I love my partner so very much I just cant believe how happy I am just now and we're moving in together and are having a baby at christmas but it turns out that one of my new partners friends is going out with my ex, I thought that i had got her out of my life but now it seems indirectly she is back in it. I will be honest I loved her a great deal and i'm scared, because I still think about her I dont know what the feelings are, and my partner has told me that she will not be friends with her pal anymore because she doesn't want me to get hurt. but I dont want her to lose freinds because of me. I'm scared in case I lose the happiness that I have just found.
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female
reader, Variety +, writes (3 June 2007):
 On one hand I am so happy for you - your girlfriend really loves you!
On the other hand - I am worried about your ex's baby. If you feel up to it please take a dna test and determine whether it is yours. You can't let the child go through life without a daddy if that is what you turn out to be. Talk to your girlfriend if you decide to do this. Tell her that she and the baby are your first priority but you need to see if you have any obligations to the other child. She seems supportive so hopefully this will go well.
Good luck
xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007): Oh my heart goes out to you, your girl has offered to give up a friendship for you. She most definatly loves you a great deal and a baby on the way, Isnt it funny how when we just get happy the past creeps up to knock us off balance, Dont let it! you have been through so much and come out the other side, You did all the right things seeking help and look how far you have got GIVE YOURSELF A PAT ON THE BACK and live each day as it comes with your lovely new family good luck my love and take care i hope this helps put your mind at rest a little
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (2 June 2007):
 Does your new gf know the whole situation about this past relationship i.e. the baby etc?
I think you will always live in doubt unless a DNA test was taken.
Has your ex every asked you for support financially at all or made any demands on you from an emotional point of view or for contact with this child?
I think the fear of having a family with your new gf is bringing up more fears about history repeating itself and the fact that depression kicked in for you last time.
I think it is commendable that your new gf would give up her friend for you but I agree with you that it is wrong.
You are a man who is going to be a daddy soon and that brings so much more in ways of responsibility but also so much pleasure that it outways everything else. The fear of the unknown could also be contributing to the way you are feeling right now.
You are probably also scared that your new gf will leave you like your last gf but it does not sound like the same situation at all so I think you need to calm yourself right down.
I would say that perhaps talking to your doctor if he/she is supportive about your anxieties may help as well.
Becoming a new parent is daunting in itself but coming into contact with your ex is also causing it's own set of concerns for you.
Pre-empt I would say and face it - your fears and anxieties, you are happy now and even though you loved your ex you are about to have your own family.
I think there are still a lot of unanswered questions about whether you have another child out there and that will not just go away on it's own.
Just try to relax but also make yourself strong mentally and if it means going to talk to a psychiatric nurse for one session then do it I say. Just get their opinion on how you are coping and see if they can give you some relaxing techniques like breathing or meditation or something.
Stay calm for yourself, your gf and your baby eh! No point in worrying about what might be, life is too short so just enjoy here and now eh!
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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