A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My whole life I have wanted to be a mother. I love kids – I worked as a nanny and a tutor for several years, and I have nieces who I adore. My own mum died when I was a kid, and I think a part of it is that I want to have a mother-child relationship again. My boyfriend doesn’t want a baby for another few years, but I think within maybe 3 we will be at the stage where we’re ready. I’m 26 right now and we’ve been together 4 years.But recently I’ve read that lots of people are choosing not to have kids because they can’t justify adding to the growing world population, and because they’re afraid of how their children will grow up faced with climate change. Now I feel guilty about this longing for motherhood, and angry – it’s not my fault the world got this messed up, but now I’ve got to deal with the idea that if I have children, the earth will probably become virtually uninhabitable in their lifetime. Some of my friends already have kids, and I feel a little petulant about it: they’ve gone ahead and had kids without any obvious concern, so why can’t I? But it feels wrong to me, and I don’t know how to rationalise it. I also feel a little like maybe I’ve already missed the boat. I’m scared that in 3 years, nobody will be having kids any more because everyone will be panicking more about the climate, and I will have missed my window of opportunity. And in case anyone suggests adoption, it's a lovely idea, but monstrously expensive. And all I've ever wanted is my OWN child, same as most people. I want to see which of our traits the child would have and who they would look like and so on. Even if it makes me sound selfish, it's just the way I feel.I’m interested to know, if you have children, will you encourage them to have their own kids? Are you afraid of how the climate will affect their lives? Can people really justify reproducing right now? I want to stop worrying about this all the time but the whole situation just seems absolutely hopeless.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2019): I find your insulting language quite strange and inappropriate, considering I have only explained my view and been civil to you. Trying to belittle me by pointing out that weather and climate are different things is also unnecessary. Climate is observing weather on a macro scale, so trends in weather become observations of the climate. A rise in global average temperatures over time on the macro scale shows the longer-term progression of climate change. Heatwaves are examples of how you can see this happening on the micro scale. Hence why I mentioned them, though melting glaciers and rising sea levels are some pretty glaring effects too.The UK's heatwaves last year were just one example, and were not a once-off event. Nine of the ten hottest years on record for us have occurred in the period since 2002. We've had incredible temperatures this past week and it's only June, so maybe we'll break records again this summer. This shouldn't be normal, but it will be, because it's not stopping. If that doesn't worry you, so be it. You will likely not experience the worst effects further down the road, so maybe it doesn't need to matter to you. But your children will see it, and so will their children, and your lack of concern for future generations honestly bewilders me. I don't think my concern for any children I may have is unfounded, though I was interested to hear how others feel about the future.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2019): "If you want to believe in boogey men, that's up to you."I believe in scientists and experts who devote their lives to learning about what's happening to our planet.Perhaps this is a UK vs US thing. In the UK, I've seen a huge increase in awareness of this just in the past year or so. Greta Thunberg in particular has lit a fire under young people and got huge amounts protesting. Last summer was one of the UK's hottest on record. My boyfriend is Irish and half his family depend on agriculture for a living, and the heat last year was a huge problem for crops. And extreme weather is getting so much more likely.True, many things in the world are getting better, but if the planet is eventually rendered uninhabitable, it will all be for nothing. This is really our biggest threat. I don't know how anyone can know that and not be anxious.Ivyblue, I agree that kids these days are very aware of climate change. I see that in my nieces. But sadly their generation are probably going to be too late to turn things around. And yes, I know not everyone will suddenly stop reproducing, but I worry it will quickly start to be looked down upon and people will think me selfish if I end up having a child. I don't want to be resented when I'm just doing what other people my age have already done.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2019): You are really over thinking this.Get help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2019): I know you said not to suggest it, but I feel it’s still an important option. I plan to adopt for this very reason and it doesn’t have to be monstrously expensive in the UK - especially since having children can be wildly expensive regardless and you never know how they’ll turn out.
You don’t need to be blood related to love a child as your own - one who’s already facing the problems without a family to guide them. Perhaps this is something you can consider in a couple of years, once you’ve done genuine research into it, if you’re willing to challenge your assumptions about cost. Two of my cousins are adopted , they truly are family regardless and it wasn’t as extortionate to adopt as expected.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2019): You seem to be overly concerned about things that are out of your control. Humans have lived through many climate changes, had children through them, grandchildren, etc...Through ice ages, wars, famines, former global warming periods, we have been reproducing and that's exactly why we are still here. Yes the world has more people than ever in history, but we are also very ingenious as a species and finding ways to feed more and more people and get fresh water for more and more also. We make taller buildings for more living space, can communicate with others around the planet in a few milliseconds, and have more free time (in the sense that we do not have to look for food/water/shelter to survive) to pursue more inventions than ever to help make our lives better.In the future, we may even move off the planet for more resources to support our rising population...who can know how interesting that will be? Will one of your descendents be a miner on an asteroid? a farmer/greenhouse keeper on Mars? Maybe!I think there is no reason to be scared to reproduce right now, as long as you can support yourself and your children/family emotionally, financially, physically, etc. I would strongly urge people to get married before they have children, just because the research is overwhelming about how much better the children are cared for in a stable 2 parent household. Since you are not married yet to your boyfriend, why not work on that relationship first? If you two don't want to marry, why on earth would you have a child together? Much bigger repercussions then if it does not work out, not just for you two but the child. Make sure you are ready in all those ways, and that you will not be a burden to others if you have a child. I would not worry about your being too old and missing a window either. You have more than a decade at least to have a child of your own. I had my first at age 39. No problems at all. More women are waiting and first starting careers and getting their lives together, you will have lots of company if you wait too. I don't know why you are so worried about these outside factors. If you feel like it is overwhelming to you, and affecting other areas of your life, you may want to seek out professional help to work through it. There are lots of low/no cost options through colleges, churches, and charitable organizations too.I hope all works out for you. BestR
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2019): People will always have children. There isn't going to be some mass decision not to reproduce in three years. Tbh yes people are saying 'I don't want to bring kids into this world' but I personally believe they just don't really want children that much and they use climate change or overpopulation to make themselves sound more impressive over a decision they would have made anyway. It's stjill quite new, generationally, for people to just say 'I don't really want kids'. It hasn't been an option for that long. My parents generation (we're the same age range op) it was simply accepted that you have kids and that's it. So I think nowadays people still feel they need to make some kind of grand justification for not having kids. Yeah the world is a hellhole but you don't know what amazing things might happen and if you want kids go out there and get knocked up and cross the other bridges when you come to them.
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reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 June 2019):
 Yes OP, I can relate to you in some ways. I was very scared to bring a child into this world because of how crime prone and scary things have become. I shudder to think what will happen 20-30 years from now. When I read the most terrifying things in the paper and hear about the most gruesome crimes, I shudder to think that this is a world that we're bringing children into. And then as you say, climate change... because it is the next generation which will bear the brunt of it the most.
The being said, I did go ahead and have a baby and I'm a mother to a 2.5 year old little princess. I guess if I have to say why I had a baby despite all my fears, I'd say that it was for purely selfish reasons.
I want her to be my friend when she grows up. To be there with my when I'm old. I want that emotional support from her. Even if she can't come see me very often, I know that I have my daughter out there who will at least (hopefully) call me and ask me about how my day was, how my health is. The emotional part of me was stronger than the rational part which is why I decided to have a child. I have a wonderful bond with my own parents especially my mother and I desperately wanted that in my life as well, once I realised that I was getting older. I had a child at 33, so I took a lot of time to think about what I really wanted. I would love love LOVE to adopt a baby girl next but my husband is against it because he thinks that there's bound to be discriminations but I don't agree with him. Anyway.
Will I encourage my daughter to have kids? Certainly. Because the joy that a child brings to your life is unparalleled. I didn't know what that feeling when existed, that you feel a kind of love the you almost cannot bear. A husband may come and go but your child is yours forever.
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (28 June 2019):
 I actually totally get where you are coming from and a really tough question to answer however I do have one child who is 17. I worry, like yourself not only about how climate change is looking in the future but the current social climate we live in today. Out of the two I fear the society one the most. My child is my greatest gift and achievement, I am very blessed to be the parent of such an incredibly beautiful human being but truthfully for me it stops there. I dont want any grandchildren for the exact reason your posting. Is it selfish of you to want a child given your thoughts?- no its only natural and not going to make a difference IMHO. Yes, over population poses a problem but how many people will make that sacrifice not to have children in order to save the planet-very few. Climate change on the other hand depends on the attitude and practice of individuals and moreover governments to make for a more sustainable planet. Take a look at factory farming-totally raping mother nature for food we simply dont need to consume in order to live nutritionally. We live such fast and throw away lives but again this can be reduced with an effort made by all not you as an individual giving up your desire to become a parent. Whats good about having kids now is they are far more educated on the effects of climate change and want to see change so they can have and live as intended. Its the up coming generations, I think will see these changes become laws and legislation for a better world.
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