A
male
age
36-40,
*nsomniac
writes:hii recently got engaged with my gf. great. Problem is my girlfriend feels she wasnt looking good on engagement party and thinks she was hideous. Although I believe that she was looking pretty and beautiful. This reaction of her further enforces after she sees her friends engagement pictures and all. She says she hates herself and never want to see those pictures again in life. this really hurts although i keep on convincing her that she was looking great and think about the fact that we got engaged rather than on all these things. She says these functions happen once in life and i had so much expectations and wanted to look perfect but.... and then the story begins.... Please help as we both love each other a lot but i cant see her sad or disheartened. this behavior of hers actually sometimes infuriates me. But i am confused how to convince her. She really pretty but keeps on saying i wasnt looking good and wants me to leave her alone for sometime so that she can calm down.....
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female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (29 November 2011):
 Your girlfriend has low self esteem and there is really NOTHING you can say to make her feel better.
Let her have her tantrum and ignore it.
It can be infuriating because there is more important things going on this planet other than if one looks "beautiful" in their engagement pictures which i am sure she did.
Rather than be happy with being engaged she is fixated on her body image.
What does that signal to any kids you may have? that achievement is based on beauty? that self worth is based on beauty?
Consider explaining all this all to your future wife because eventually you will be married to the mother of your kids.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): You have a right to be infuriated. This sounds like narcissism gotten out of hand because she's talking about your looks as well as hers. You might remind her you became engaged with her because you love her, not to create a perfect photo.
A lot of women do this when they get down on themselves and they don't realize how selfish it is to insist that they are unattractive when the person they (hopefully) love is telling them otherwise. What they fail to recognize in the process of beating themselves up is that they are disrespecting the opinions of the person they (hopefully) love.
Couples do disagree. But insulting your looks and diminishing the ceremony that brought you together sounds childish and disrespectful.
What I would say? "I like the way you look in these photos...and if you don't respect my opinion and you believe that I'm ugly and you're ugly, that's fine, but I don't share your opinions with me because I think otherwise about myself and you."
I think you should speak up. She needs to understand that if she intends to marry you. You also have feelings and need to be supported. Marriage will never be a 24 hour pity party for her. If that's the impression she has, I'm glad this was only an engagement.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (29 November 2011):
 If she's insecure with her looks, then there's no convincing her..Leave her be to calm down for now. Sounds as if they didn't photoshop the photos to her likings.
Maybe ask her specifically what's wrong with them and go back to the photographer to see if you can have them edited again. I'm sure if you point out you're not happy with the results they'll fix them.
Ot ask her if she wants to do another photo shoot in a few weeks?
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