A
female
age
36-40,
*oulou1900
writes:"OP Own Title" HiI am 25 and this is my second serious relationship. My first lasted 6 years and this one is just over a year. I love my boyfriend but a few months into the relationship I gave him glandular fever. He’s 31 and got really sick for 6 weeks. Not a great start! Then at around 5 months I got super jealous after he got texts from a dating website and his ex-girlfriend (nothing concerning I must say but still freaked me). I started checking his emails and confronted him in a crazy way about my fears that he would leave me and find someone better or his ex. Then at 7 months he suddenly revealed to me his plans to marry me and for our life together which terrified me (…even though it is what I really want!). So once again I checked his emails and this time I confronted him about emails from his ex (again nothing concerning) and told him I did it (..only once mind you). He told me that I had to stop my crazy jealous behaviour or he would leave me.Then a few weeks ago he once again gently mentioned marriage which I took well at first but then I got crazy again when he got a text from a girl I didn’t know saying she liked a photo she had seen of him. I confronted him about it and he told me she was a relative and I left it at that. Then I visited him and found a dress that I didn’t recognize and asked him what it was. He reminded me that it was mine and told me off for being crazy again. I should mention that all this time I’ve been bothered by us having sex before marriage and I’ve mentioned this on several occasions. The most recent thing that has happened is that I refused sex by pushing him away (after discussing and agreeing it with him) and he got really upset, more than I’ve ever seen him. So I apologized and agreed to continue with it.I love him but I keep destroying the happy times with my crazy behaviour! I feel like I spend my whole time apologizing. He has been very tolerant but I’m scared that his patience will eventually run out. How do I sort this out and live happily married to this man that I love? Should I keep all these fears to myself and go against my beliefs about sex before marriage? We have done it already so I guess there is little to be gained by stopping now. Should I keep mentioning our future like I really want to… little fun chats about kids, houses, etc or just leave the topic well alone??Thank you
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ex girlfriend, his ex, jealous, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, smiley_1  +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Hello,
My opinion is you speak with someone to find out the underlining reason to why you're this insecure.
Its unfair to him to feel as though he needs to defend himself constantly.
Have you been cheated on prior? If so, you can't blame the new one for what the old one has done. If not you need to truly talk to someone to figure this out.
Good luck
;D
A
female
reader, LottieCole  +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Dear loulou1900,you should only participate in sex if you feel comfortable and ready for it, never be pressured into doing something you dont want to do. If he cant accept that then he needs to have a think.I suggest that perhaps you go an speak to someone about your fears an behaviour, there could be an underlying reason as to why you act like you do even though you love your bf, as this could end up splitting you two up. Again only you know if your comfortable with talking about the future, but it is ok to be scared of it too, but see it as more excitement for the unknown then to run away from it.Wishing you well in your relationship and hope you sort through these problems.Lottie x
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