A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife died two years ago and I have thinking about dating again. But my daughters (they`ll 4 and 7) get very upset if I talk to them about it. I haven`t been on one date since cause it felt I was betraying my wife. Now I have been on a seeing this woman for a month without my daughters knowing and I really like her. Am I being selfish. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (10 June 2009):
 Absolutely not!!! Your daughters are very young and obviously miss their mother and this is natural and will take a lot of time to heal...but dont confuse this with them not wanting you to date. They might be a little put out by this (despite their young age) but they will adapt, as all children do.
It seems (and I could be wrong) that you yourself are holding back a little because you see it as a betrayal. It isn't a betrayal. Your a young man and I am sure your wife would not want you to spend the rest of your life alone.
The key, I think, is to take things slowly, date this woman and enjoy your time with her, try not to get in too deep too soon and communicate how you feel about things to her. If shes a decent woman, she will understand your need to take the slow burn approach. Keep things covert for a while and if you feel your going to get serious with this woman, introduce her to your children, again slowly and gently.
Your not being selfish, your being human...and it's human to seek the company of others.
Wishing you happiness in the future
Aunty Em xxx
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