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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi. I've been dating my bf for about 8 months now and things between us are great. We love each other and we're happy together. However, my parents, my mother in particular, is always saying that i should get out there and date more to see what else is out there. I should explain that i am 21 years old and this is my first bf ever. I never dated at all in my teens because i was a really shy person, and i even met my current bf online. I get so annoyed and hurt by my parents remarks. I understand that they want the best for me, and to experience dating more, but i dont want to break up with my bf just because i haven't had that experience. My parents believe that i should date guys for short periods of time and not commit to anyone for now. I don't know how to respond to them anymore, as they call me immature to this topic. Help please! Thanks so much.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (18 October 2006):
 I think that's terrible. Don't take your parents advice on this. Not only are they giving you bad advice, but they're damaging what sounds like a good relationship.
One thing you might want to consider is whether they like your boyfriend. If they don't then they might be saying this just to get you to leave him. Next time this comes up you might want to ask them directly what they really think of him. Their reasoning may just be as simple as this.
It may also be that your mother is trying to get some vicarious pleasure out of you. Perhaps she regrets her early relationship(s) and doesn't want you to repeat her mistakes. Well, you are not her, and you are not destined to repeat her life, nor are you there to live your life for her or to provide her with entertainment.
Anyway, as you can see, all the aunts here agree with you. Take comfort in that and know that what you are doing and feeling is fine. At age 21 you are totally your own person, and you have no reason to feel you have to accept what your parents are saying about this.
Good luck, and stick to your guns :)
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (17 October 2006):
 Hey,
I had a similar problem. My mother tried to get me to date other people even while I was engaged to my husband. My guess is that absolutly nothing you say seems to have any impact on what they keep doing in the least bit. Am I close? Sometimes the best thing to do is try and ignore insensitive remarks like this.
I suggest that when they bring up seeing other people, try to change the subject and/or ignore them altogether. I'm sure they won't want to keep talking to a brick wall. It may take a while, but it's bound to work at some point.
BTW - do you still live with your parents? You might want to consider moving into your own place to give yourself some time away from them. Like a college dorm if you're in school or maybe get a regular apartment and a roommate. It will help them understand that you're becoming more and more independent and will help you to keep your sanity. Maybe they will realize soon that you're not their little girl anymore, but a woman who has a life of her own.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Helen1986  +, writes (17 October 2006):
 I can understand your parents point but I also think you should ignore them.
If you are happy then continue your relationship. If things do go wrong then try something new. Until then good luck
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (17 October 2006):
 I have to say that its possible that your mum is trying to relive some of her own life through you here, and to be honest it sounds to me that you are being the mature one here if anything. Personally, I would be firm but non-confrontational in your response; make it clear you appreciate their concern but also assert your right to decide the course of your own age.
The thing with dating is that its not something you do just to experience it, you do it to find the right person to share your life with. If you happen to find that person on your first try then you are very lucky and should consider yourself so. Stick to your guns in a firm way, it is your life to live and experience. Good luck.
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