A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm so hurt I think its time to end my relationship and not continue my pregnancy. Yesterday was my birthday my co-workers bought me flowers and took me to lunch. My boyfriend did nothing for me. When I got to his house from work he had already had some drinks and was having his own party. He did absolutley nothing for me. I'm carrying his baby and I think I don't want to carry it anymore. He's an alcoholic and is not willing to get help. I'm so stressed being with him. I throw up every day I'm having so much cramps I don't even think I'll be able to carry this baby to term with all the pain I'm in. Please help
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female
reader, superdolly  +, writes (27 November 2009):
come on your old enough to know better to have not gotten into this situation to get pregnant like this and want to abort it is really selfish because there are so many women dying for the chance to have a baby and you have this healthy child in you most probably and you want to end it's life, yeh so what if it's father is an alcoholic i know you must be feeling very emotional because of this but ditch the man and keep your baby i say because you may not get another chance at this and this isn't a form of birth control yeah this is a life we are talking about. Take responsibility for your actions yeh
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): I had a problem with a guy I was in loved who has the same habit. He and I rarely talk anymore because he wanted me to leave him as what he is. It is hard, but if you cannot take it anymore, leave him but be sure he knows the reason why you left. Please, do not go for abortion or you might regret it. Your baby is not even the cause of your problem, so don't blame it on your baby. Love your child because your child is part of you.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 November 2009):
 Ok well I know this will sound a little odd but bear with me: you need to treat your relationship and your unborn child as two seperate things and 2 very different issues. You cannot terminate the child just because you are angry at your partner and fed up with the relationship - that would be the wrong reason to have a termination. You must have wanted this baby when you first got pregnant so you cannot just do a u-turn on your decision to bring a life into this world - it is not fair on the child.
Now I am in no way pro-life and I absolutely believe that a woman has a right to have an abortion but only as long as it is for the right reasons! And it seems to me that if you have an abortion then it might be for the wrong reasons, so you need to think very carefully or you might do something you regret.
First of all how far along in your pregnancy are you? I'm not sure what the abortion laws are like in Canada but I know that here in the UK you can only have a termination up until your 24 weeks pregnant, after that they wont perform an abortion because there is a strong chance the baby could survive. So that is your first consideration when thinking about an abortion - it might not even be possible for you.
Secondly, do you think you could handle having an abortion and then possibly missing out on the chance to have a baby ever again? Now I really dont want this to sound harsh but your age says 36-40, which is reasonably old to be having a child. We all know as women that the biological clock is ticking, and realistically the older you get the more likely it is that you will have complications in your pregnancy (that is if you can get pregnant at all). So think about if you terminate this baby, will you ever get another chance to be a mum? What if you left this relationship and found a new man in a year, then waited another few years before you try for a family - but you cant get pregnant? Could you really live with yourself knowing you had terminated a baby and lost the chance to ever have another child? That is a real possibility at your age so I would be very reluctant if I were you to have the abortion.
How do you feel about being a single mum? Have you got enough money to support yourself and the baby (obviously factor in child maintenance payments from the father and support from the government)? Have you got good friends and family to support you? Have you got somewhere you can live and raise your child? I think if you have got all of these things then you can do this on your own - yes it will be hard and it is a daunting prospect, but you can do this on your own, there is lots of support and resources out there for single mums so you can do it alone as long as you are willing to try.
I think if your partner is not willing to get help for his alcohol addiction then you absolutely should leave him. Living with an alcoholic is unbearable, never mind it being a totally unsuitable environment to raise a child. People with addictions, including alcohol addictions, have to hit rock bottom before they will admit they have a problem and get help. At the moment you are still in his life, he is partying as much as he wants and doesnt have to put any effort into the relationship because he just assumes you will stick around. So as long as you are in his life, he wont hit rock bottom. Leaving him will actually be good for him - if he loses a wonderful woman and his child it might make him wake up and realise what his addiction is doing to the people that love him the most.
So be strong and leave him - prepare yourself to be a single mum. The stress he is causing you is not good for you or the baby so you need to leave as soon as you can. There is always a chance that once you have left he might realise what he has lost and then he might be willing to get some help - so oneday in the future you could work things out between you. But for now you need to leave him - it is the best thing for you and for him. Stay with parents, friends, family....anything is better right now than putting yourself through unnecessary stress and pain.
As for the health problems you are experiencing - I think you need to make an appointment with your doctor ASAP and explain the problems you are having, they will be able to help you and make sure that you and the baby are not at risk.
If you are still certain you want an abortion (as in 100% made your mind up that you want to go ahead) then once again you need to see a doctor - they will be able to talk it through properly with you and give you all the options.
Before you do make your decision about the abortion maybe you should google single mother support agencies/networks in your area to give you a better idea of what sort of help is out there and what life would be like living as a single mum.
I think it is always best to make an informed choice - look into all your options before you make a decision you might regret. But please make sure you leave this man - it is as much for his sake as it is for your own.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (27 November 2009):
 You need to look at these as two completely separate issues and then deal with them as if they have nothing to do with each other.
1. Pretend you went to a sperm bank and you have no idea who the father is. Now think about your baby, and it is YOUR baby. Your lame boyfriend may be the father, but the baby is still YOURS. Now think about whether or not you wanted to have a baby to begin with. If you did, then don't let the relationship with this guy take that away from you, or distort it into something else. Think about the baby as a separate entity and think about how you'll feel when you old him or her. If you feel like you are ready for a baby and could love this child for who they are, regardless of the man who fathered the child, then you should not terminate the pregnancy.
2. Now as far as your boyfriend goes, I think he's lame. You would probably be better off to end the relationship, move in with a friend, or back home to your folks until you've gotten enough money together to live on your own. If you are in a relationship that is not meeting your needs, you should get out.
But whatever you do, think about each decision independently -- just because you don't like the man, does not mean that you won't love that baby and that baby could be the meaning your life really needs right now. The baby may help you to become stronger, because you have someone else to think of, and someone else to take care of; you have a different purpose in life now, don't let this lame man take that away from you. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, bitch  +, writes (27 November 2009):
Get counseling and then make the appropriate decision after you have weighed all the facts and scenarios. Do not stay with an alcoholic just because you are pregnant. That is not fair to you or the baby.
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A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (27 November 2009):
 He sounds toxic, get rid of that burden in your life as soon as possible. You deserve better than somebody who loves alcohol more than they love you (seems he's demonstrated that by refusing to get help).
I would urge you to reconsider having an abortion though. I don't personally disagree with abortion as such, but I think this is a decision you may well grow to regret if you go through with it hastily - getting rid of the father shouldnt necessarily mean getting rid of your baby. Think hard about that one! Good luck, post back if theres anything else you're worried about. xx
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A
female
reader, arielbriane +, writes (27 November 2009):
 Dont end your babies life before it even began, please. Leave your boyfriend, you can handle it better off without him. I promise, once you hold your baby in your arms for the first time, and when you see that first smile of the beautiful life you created, you'll melt and youd be happy you kept the baby. It'll be worth it.
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A
female
reader, SuddenlyConfusedAgain  +, writes (27 November 2009):
Forget about him! Its not about your birthday, its about his drinking problem and your unborn child. Please leave him, you deserve better and I know you and your baby will do fine without him. He may get a shock and change his ways, you may get a happy ending. But for now I really think you should just concentrate on being a Mum. Please try to be strong. Keep us updated!!
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