A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,I've been with this special girl for 3.5 months now.I'm crazy about her and really love her. I'm a virgin, she's not (3 previous sex partners). I told her i was ready for the next step. She said I dont have to look forward to it nor plan it. She says she's afraid it'll chance our relationship, because one of her previous bf only dated her for the sex.And that she's afraid that she'll feel guilty once our relationship has ended that she would've taken my virginity.she continued saying we'll talk about it later or we'll just see what happens... Recently some friends of an ex of her told me her ex had sex with her after a WEEK, and since than had had sex 10 times with her in 1.5months, than she ended their relationship. Now i really dont know what to do, does this mean she doesnt love me? should i ask again? I just don't want to think i'm with her for the sex, which i'm absolutly not i love her so much. But i'm just so anxiously waiting for it. If there's anyone in the world i wanna lose it to, it's her. And i'm also afraid that she'll dump me and i will not have had sex with her. And I end up losing my virginity to a girl I have no feelings for.Thanks in advance ! And sorry but i'm no native english speaker.Greets
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 October 2012):
 So because she is NOT a virgin she should want to have sex with you too because YOU want to have sex?
Can you see how that seems off?
Even if she HAS HAD sex before it doesn't mean she was ready then OR now. I'm guessing she had sex in the past to please the guy she was with, not because she was ready.
Relax and put sex on the back burner a little bit, enjoy what you two have.
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (9 October 2012):
Drop the subject and don't discuss it with her for at least another month. Or two.
You don't want to hear this, but at your age 3.5 months is probably NOT enough time to develop a relationship that is ready for sex. If you two are still together after 6 months, or maybe even wait a year, then you can consider this step.
If this becomes a really lasting, long-term, relationship (yes, it's possible that you two will be life partners) then waiting a few months will not be a bad step - in fact, it will probably strengthen your relationship as it grows in other areas. If you DO break up before having sex, the girl who you eventually give your virginity to will probably be even more impressed and honored that she is your first, and is experiencing something that no other girl has experienced with you. (I hope she will give you the same privilege. I know from experience that a double-virgin wedding night can be awesome!)
The fact that you want sex with this girl does NOT obligate her to have sex with you. Coercing her to satisfy your horniness will work against you in the long run.
The fact that she had sex with a previous boyfriend does NOT obligate her to have sex with you. It is even possible she regrets that decision, and does not want to repeat the mistake with you.
Comparing yourself to her previous partner(s) often leads to long-term problems - look up the term "retroactive jealousy" on this forum, or other web sites. It sounds like this is becoming a problem for you even before you have sex with her!
She may have heard that if she takes your virginity you will become "clingy", and she isn't ready to have that much commitment to you. It is true that many (perhaps most) people develop special emotional attachments to their first sex partner. This probably works out best when it is mutual - that is, both partners are virgins. She probably thinks its smart to wait until there is a very strong attachment between you two before adding sex to your relationship.
If you think that giving her your virginity will make her love you, you are probably mistaken. Having sex with her will NOT make her love you. Even though you may feel very attached to the girl you give your virginity to, it may not be the kind of love to build a long-term relationship on. The fact is that many teen couples - even those who have been together for years - break up shortly after adding sex to their relationship.
If you search through DearCupid (and similar sites) you will find many more people who regretted losing their virginity too soon, than people who regretted waiting too long.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (8 October 2012):
She is lying, in part. I mean, it is too obvious that you are the one who chooses to whom loose your virginity to. And so, she doesn't has to worry about what happens if you break up later. I guess girls see some guys like "fuck buddies" and other guys like "proper boyfriends and future husbands". Because it's a very common situation, that where a girl has sex with some guys in the first date, and later put other guys to wait for month before sex (in a serious relationship). The point is, that works as long as the guys doesn't know about this.
In your case, you know what she did before and surely you feel it's unfair to you. Just because you are a virgin or because she thinks she could marry you, threat you different than this previous boyfriend.
Anyhow, I don't think this is the real problem here. Because you will end up having sex with her. And then you will think that she had sex with this guy in the first week, and made you wait for months. And what sex with you is way less frequent that with this guy? As a general rule, I don't think it's a good idea to know that much about your girlfriend's sexual past.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (8 October 2012):
 Well maybe you just should make her realise that you're not just with her for that reason.
and it doesn't matter what this ex has said he may just be saying this to rub it in your face try and make you jealous i don't think he'd know you're a virgin but it's what people do to make current people jealous and feel good about themselves.
Just talk to her and tell her you want to lose your virginity to her and that you love her for her!
If she still doesn't understand then just try and understand her feelings with it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 October 2012):
 If I had a nickel for every girl (woman) who said to me:
"Oh, (my name here), it's so terrific that you're still a virgin.... haven't compromised your sexual integrity to those women who simply wants to use you.... and I won't do that either..."..... simply so that she didn't have to put out for me..... I'd be a VERY WELL-TO-DO man!!!!
Fortunately, I found a girl, a few months, ago who is a real tart and didn't say that!!!!! So, now, I'm a real se*ual tiger!!!!! ... with her... at least!!!!
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