A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,I am a 23 year old girl and I'm single..now here's the thing I don't mean to sound conceited or superficial but the reason I'm telling what I'm going to right now is I just caant figureee why this is happening..so. Please do help me..I am a good looking young girl,I get asked in restaurants,hotels random places if I'm a model,my friends tell me I should go in for acting or modelling,I'm friendly (that's only if I know you)but if not I smile its not like I'm rude but I don't know why guys don't approach me or asked me out for a date..there are at times where I want to share my life,just hold someone's hands(I envy people who have found that someone)and I fear I won't find someone..please help me!!and not finding the right guy has never bothered me until lately,cuz I do a lot of reasoning as to why I'm still single..and I'm a course that demands a lot of time,so whenever I do get time I spend it with friends,at bars men just stare I think in the past month just 2 men approached out of which one french guy was extremely sweet,and he asked me to come out with him,but I was busy,so I went for breakfast but he lives in a different city and he was leaving in a day or two after we met..so!yeah..I don't understand anymore,please help agony aunts:( Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your advise especially @strongfh you understood me a lot better since you were going through the same thing..thanks again I understood the situation from another point of view cuz of you..
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@chigirl:see you don't me know in person so its obvious you would judge me by what I have written..and when I said like me for what I am,I meant if I'm a homebody,I don't open up that easily,then give me the time..I may not be that typical girl or that 'friendly person' which I think I am,cuz when I meet new people I try my best to make them comfortable any which way if a man just gives up then I don't think they even want this in the long run!!and as for opening up to the guy I like,as I mentioned in my previous posts if I like someone I do make an effort,if I dint we wdlnt have become good friends in the first place..but I agree I need to give them more ground work which I will in the future..
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 "so if someone likes me they should accept me for who I am,rather than me changing my self"
But, if you're someone who doesn't let people in.. how do you expect to ever get someone close to you? If "who you are" is someone who doesn't want to get to know others.... Then you're not going to change the situation. You'll still be single 20 years from now.
You want the situation to change. That's why you came here. Then you can't be stubborn and demand that nothing changes, except every man on earth. Because you are saying YOU don't want to change, it's the MEN who need to change. They need to work harder to get to know you... But, that wont happen. The universe wont magically change all men to start chasing after girls who are cold and closed up. Not when there are warm, smiling and open women out there who show them they are welcome and who make them feel wanted.
This isn't about changing you are a person. You can still stay the way you are, and be who you are. But what needs to change is how you meet people, how you greet them, how you invite them into your life. You said you open up to those you like, well if so you need to get proactive about guys you like and start opening up to them. Your technique so far is to sit and do nothing. That wont attract guys. You need to welcome the guys you like into your life and let them get to know you. So start looking for a guy you like, and strike up a conversation with him. Open up to him, let him get to know you. Once he knows that you enjoy his company he might ask you out. But you need to give a guy something to walk on, some grounds to build something on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@cerebrus:I don't blame you I may come off as snobby but I have written my problem as it is,and I thought people mite think like that 'cuz of the good looking bit' but honestly I'm here to figure out why!!and abt being a closed book,I don't know if I'm that..and I wouldn't want to change myself and be open cuz then I won't be 'me'..I'm reserved,if I do like you I open up,I'm a homebody..and that's me!so if someone likes me they should accept me for who I am,rather than me changing my self,if you think 'I'm a cold fish' lol,then may be I am,talking to the people,or opening up to those who I like,makes me a cold fish then may be I am,waiting for a guy to take that chance and ask me out and not making a move,makes me a cold fish then may be I am,wanting a guy to be bold and approach me I don't think I am asking for more..not everyone is as outgoing and friendly as 'your beautiful girlfriend' there are some,who are quite,reserved yet know when to talk and when to open..
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): It's not just about looks but how you carry yourself OP. Plus I don't know how you think that waiting for a guy to approach you is any less superficial. I mean your looks are the reason they approached you, so the whole thing starts off superficial.
OP you kind of sound as snobby as you say you aren't, seriously you have this air of entitlement that we should somehow approach you and dance to your tune. But that's not working very well for is it? You know just because you decide to approach a guy first to break the ice doesn't mean that's a defeat or that you can't have him chase you afterwards. I mean there is nothing wrong with sparking up a conversation with a guy, taking the whole unapproachable thing out of the equation and you can even do this and wait for him to ask you out in that conversation.
OP my girlfriend is gorgeous but she wouldn't be offered any modelling contracts. Guess what, she gets hounded by guys when she's out because her demeanour is very friendly, open and happy. She's the kind of girl who will talk to almost anyone and is genuinely interested and visibly so in what they have to say.
I mean the two examples you gave in your follow ups definitely tell me you have a cold, closed off demeanour. You can't change that but it means you have to do some work to show them you're open to that kind of thing. I mean you couldn't even get a friend who really liked you to ask you out.
OP prince charming has already noticed you and decided you're not worth the pain of being rejected by you because that's the impression you give guys. You can wait around all you like and fall further into a place where your self-esteem really starts taking a hit or you could be more proactive about the whole thing.
Every guy is a risk of only being after you for sex or because you're pretty and every girl has to deal with that kind of dynamic, but like most other girls you have to take that chance and you have to weed them out through being smart when dating.
I've never been daunted or intimated by looks, I've never once deemed a girl to be out of my league. But I have a keen eye for body language and demeanour and I won't approach a cold fish because they're too much work to open up. I used to have a great laugh doing that when I was promiscuous, the harder the conquest the greater the satisfaction but for serious relationships girls that guarded are often a chore and the ones who say "I'm shy until you get to know me" are very often a total chore as it can take forever to get them to open up and even then lots don't open up completely.
You can't help who you are and there is nothing at all wrong with who you are, you just have to learn use what you have to get what you the right way. You seem unapproachable? Then put in some effort to show you're not. Have trouble giving guys signals that you're open to being asked out? Learn how to flirt better.
OP Prince Charming probably thinks you're a closed book, a cold fish he's not going to make the effort when there are plenty of other beautiful women out there with infectious smiles, open, friendly demeanours, you're losing this race because you're not even running it, you're just waiting for the finish line to come to you.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (9 October 2012):
"I'm often scared if I would find someone who like me only for superficial reasons and not for who I am."
One comment on that. Looks might get you attention, but looks never make a man stay. If you don't have the personality to make it worth it, trust me, you'll find yourself single again. No man stays with a brainless bimbo unless he too is brainless. Your personality will always shine through, and will always be the one factor that determines whether you have a lasting relationship or not.
Being pretty isn't an excuse to be a bitch or an idiot, and guys don't care how pretty you are... if they are going to be with you your personality will always be the key deciding factor. So do not worry about guys being with you just for your looks. They never will.
However, there are loads of guys who just wants to get laid, but you easily avoid those by not having sex unless you're in a committed relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@chigirl..I'm pretty reserved and often people mistake that as oh she's stuck up,but people who know me like my friends know how I am..and honestly I'm not that difficult to talk to,infact I try my best when I meet someone knew to avoid awkward pauses but no matter what I do people get very very intimated..!and I get to know about this threw my friends they go like this guy likes you but he doesn't know how to approach you,cuz he thinks ur way out of his league,now here the thing if these men can't make the effort then I don't even want to date them and I'm often scared if I would find someone who like me only for superficial reasons and not for who I am..and lately my friends about these 3 girls they don't really come out as often as they have boyfriends and they don't want me to hang out with their boyfriends cuz they don't want things to go hay wire!whatever!!may be I just just wait n see and hopefully my prince charming would come my way(I'm hopeless romantic btw;) lol
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): Bars are not very good places to met someone anyway.I was asked recently out by a guy and he admitted to me that he was very intimidated to come up to me and ask me. I'm not like you described yourself a model type, though pretty. Older too, so for me pool of men is smaller age wise.I really couldn't understand why he was he intimidated by me.He was good looking, tall, may be not particularly my type but in a general sence not bad looking man at all. He said also that he thought I was out of his league. He bored me to death, and I didn't want to see him again, but that's besides the point. I guess they are intimidated. I found from my experience, if you catch them looking at you pick the one you like, and look at him longer than just a glance, it will tell him that you are interested.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (8 October 2012):
"I don't know why guys don't approach me or asked me out for a date.."
Because guys can't read your mind, you don't have a stamp on your forehead that says single, and being pretty often mean you scare guys away.
You can't get guys to approach you and ask you out by sitting with your hands in your lap and smile. If you get guys that way you only get the cocky smartass ones.. not guys who are actually worth it.
Be proactive. Flirt. That is how you get guys. You're freiendly only with people who already know you, that says it all. How are you going to get to know new people that way??
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A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (8 October 2012):
 Some guys may find the fact you're so pretty and such a nice person that you'd not look at them in a million years there for they are too shy to come up to you in case of being turned down by you and feeling humilliated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@strongfp a couple of things that you said in the post has happened to me..there used to be this really good looking,charming guy(well all the girls crushed on him)we were friends,I found him cute too and I wanted him to ask me out,he used to say things like. 'I'm beautiful" and wld compliment me a lot,but never asked me out,the day he left my city he said I have a confession and he needs me to know this before he leaves my city for good, he said he really liked me but cldnt ask me out,cuz he thought I would say NO and he dint want to risk our friendship:( is being good looking a boon or a curse?
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female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (8 October 2012):
Do you have enough confidence in yourself? A lot of guys like confident girls.
I was in a similar situation to yourself i kept telling my friend i'd never find love and when would it happen so on but one day it did just happen.
Try not to focus on why aren't guys approaching you show guys you're enjoying your life as you've got it now and you don't need a guy to have a good time and enjoy life and i';m sure without even trying or realising you'll have more guys coming up to you than you know.
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