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male
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*akim
writes: I made the mistake of thinking my girlfriend was doing a few things as a cruel mindgame on me, only to find out later that it was a few series of consecutive mistakes. Problem is, I had already yelled at her thinking I was in the right, which resulted in her leaving me. A few minutes later, she called my landline to talk about what had happened, and to make an attempt to patch things up. She was still outside my house, sitting in her car, so I got up to head out and see her, apologize and make up to her. But, on the way out, I fainted, due to a severe lack of sleep/rest. She was on the phone when it happened, so she ran into the house and woke me up, but...I can't help but think if she didn't call me, would we have gotten back together?I've got a bad habit of not realizing and standing up for my mistakes, or when I do it's already too late, so she's always the one coming back. As much as I don't want it to, I know all relationships have troubles, so I want to be the one to come back first, to call back and hold us together. It's not fair to her to put that burden on her, and I love her too much to hurt her like that. What can I do to help me overcome my pride? Please help, this would mean the world to her if I overcame this. I know I'm prideful, but I'm far from selfish, and I never want to see her hurt so badly again. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, maverick  +, writes (29 April 2007):
 Hello.
Firstly I want to say that you are acknowledging a problem you see yourself having. That is a brave thing to do and and shows you are prepared to make things better.
I think the best way to look at this is think about how considerate you are towards other peoples views, opinions and feelings. Do you think about what you say - and how it will make that person feel? Do you think about your actions and who they effect?
The next time you are about to say something - stop for a split second and think about how this will effect the person. Will it upset them? Will make them laugh at you? Will they smile?
Being considerate towards others or taking considered actions will help you. Let's think about an example I have had personally.
I had a date once and she cancelled, by mobile phone message - I was angry. I thought about it from her view and considered something must've come up - could be serious. So I stopped being angry. I called her that night to find out that her grandad had fallen ill. I picked her up from the hospital and made her feel better. Most importantly I didn't put my foot in it.
Keep trying to be considerate and soon it will come automatically. This should help al ot in dealing with all people. Another point is that you will always make mistakes in life but how you deal with them is what makes you a great person - or not.
When you make mistakes you must be able to make ammends, say sorry, etc. This is a difficult thing to do becasue people believe it will make them appear weak - when in fact it does take a lot of strength to admit you were wrong.
A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (29 April 2007):
 Maybe you should just show her your question/letter and ask HER what she thinks you can do. I think she would be very moved by that and realize that you're looking to make yourself a better person.
And the next time you feel like yelling at her, think again and try to figure out if you're making another mistake.
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