A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am a virgin, but my girlfriend has had sex once before. it was a really long time ago that she did it, but she was really hurt by the guy emotionally and is afraid something similar will happen again. we've been going out 7 months now and i've assured her that i would never hurt her and that i truly love her. i want to make love to her because i think it would bring us closer in our relationship, but she is still scared, what can i do?
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female
reader, beautifulllove +, writes (29 April 2007):
 i say take it slow and let her feel comfortable just show her how much she means to you. it seems shes still badly scared of the past man and is still hurting emotionally and needs you to heal things with her slow. you seem sweet enough to wait so just be there for her as i bet you have been and when the time comes i wish you too all the love and good luck xoxo
A
male
reader, maverick  +, writes (28 April 2007):
 Try to consider things from her point of view.
At present she may still be reeling from her previous experience in a negative way. On a seperate note she may also not have an intimate level of trust in you to help her get past that experience.
From your question, you seem to be moving forwards with a mind set for sex and you are verbally re-assuring her. From her point of view you are re-assuring her so you can have sex. Sex = bad experience.
There's not much you can do about the bad experience she has had, but you can be the better man. Be sympathetic towards her. The fact that she has told you about her previous bad experience shows there is a good level of trust. Now build on it. Make her feel safe, comforted, and loved. Smile at her everytime you see her. Don't always ask are you ok? (That irritates like hell). Ignore the need for sex (its tricky) but if you don't - you will come accross as overbearing and forceful - then she will go.
Don't be a boyfriend. Be a great boyfriend.
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