A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im engaged now and going to get married soon. I m dirvoced and have one little boy. My fiance divorced twice,,got two grown up boys and one little girl same age with my son. Im about 4 months pregnant now. I have to move to his country for him.He was very sweet and devoted to me, that touches my heart and i feel in love with him even I know i could do much better than that. Im young and he;s about twice my age.Before he stayed at home and take care of her daughter,he spent every single minutes on yahoo with me,texting, calling,,do whatever i want to make me happy, from the small thing about the ex and he even suggested we will move house to other place to get away from his bitch 2nd ex.Everything changed after i came there for a visit before we getting married, I found out many things that he lied to me,,,from the photos of him and that bitch, thousand pixs of her ( which he told me he diestroyed them all) , and hundred naked pixs of her which are very strong ones( which he swore to me he never did that to her). It drove me crazy..I felt being cheated and betrayed.Before i came,,he promised will not let the daughter take too much time from us. But when i came there,,everything changed, He let the ex bother me,,worse,,he believed in her more than me, I tried to tell him how i feel and how much it hurt me,,he ignored it. He broke his promise about his daughter,,gave me a heartache..But above all, I still love him even get hurt so much.We agured a lots up to the points i wanted to come back and finish everything. He played game with me,,promised me he will change but it was just his trick. He always does it step by step and put me in a situation which is already sellted ,,,withou asking my opinion, Or when he asked and i didnt agree,,he just ignored or got angry with me.Now he works and getting so busy with this and that,,have no time for me,,dont help me with housework even he knows im pregant. We have his daughter 3 days a week now and every weekend,,so i become babysitter because that ex works and she wants time alone at weekend.The last drop is he is going on a business trip for 10 days out of country( my country). When he first mentioned about this 6 months ago,i didnt like it, I told him i didnt like him go there alone without me, Im prgenant and i want him to be with me, OUr house is at an very isolated place and im new to this country.He ignored it,,and kept planning to do it. Now im going to come back to him and stay there for goods,,after long terrible separation coz of visa procedure,,and he wants to go on this trip. I asked him to stay,,tell him how much it affects me and so on. He didnt give a word about it. He told me im being selfish and unreasonable.I dont know what to do, I feel like my words and my feeling dont count anymore. I even told him if he decides to go, im not coming back, he will loose me and our baby for putting his job in front of his family,,but he doesnt care...he just do what he wanna do.He brings up all the reason,,,that he doesnt want to dissappoint his boss( but me), and so on,,One more thing, he is going with a guy( which i think he is a gay,,or my husband is a bio sexual because my husband always initiate about male sexual stuff like" im going to bring the cream and satisfy you" "Im going to give you all" " darling"" imagine im in a naked conference" He even took pix of his thing by that guy;s camera willingly on his birthday which made me so disgusting. When i got angry with him, he said he was just joking. That guy calls him almost every night for half an hour to talk( dont know what is it about). When i was away, that guy asked him to come over his house and slept over there. I got so angry so he stopped it. I dont know whether im crazy or not but i always feel there is something not normal between them, My husband love anal,,and sometimes when i woke up at night, i saw him putting his finger into his @@ss and moved back and forth with excitement...which made me so scared. When i asked him he looked embarresed.That;s always in my mind they are doing something behind my back. he still loves making love with me, but i dont like anal. I dont know maybe im pregnant now, that makes me sensitive or not,,but i do think about him f#king in his @ss when they are alone in the hotel on their business trip.I feel so down and upset, dont know what to do, That guy is a bastard,,maybe he will try to persuade my husband to do that stuff or suggest him to go to the bar or hanging aorund with girls there. I realy dont know what to do.And my husband wont listen to me, He insits in going. Please advice.
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (23 June 2012):
you need to talk to your husband about all the issues you mentioned here, otherwise your marriage is in trouble. I am presuming you are from Thailand or a country near there, it must be very hard to settle in a new country with a different culture but it will help a lot of you both communicate. you need to explain without being angry, what is upsetting you. goodluck.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 If the trip is for his job, then he needs to go. I do understand your feelings about it, but what would you have him do? Tell his boss "no" and perhaps risk his job? He has you and several children for which to provide. I would probably feel the same as you, but sometimes real life calls for things to be done (in this case a trip). I think it is great that you found someone online, but sometimes online you do not get to see how others live or what they are really like. This is one of the downfalls. Also, moving to a different country is a huge adjustment which you should have considered before your move. I am not saying you did the wrong thing, but you must realize that online, even if you think someone is being genuine, once you see real life you may not like what you see. This guy does not sound as nice and sweet as he was online and if you are scared, you need to consider going back to your original country. I think you fell in love online with someone who does not exist. Your guy does not sound nice if he is going to bars and hanging out with other women. I would get the help of your family and leave his country.
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