A
female
age
41-50,
*mixedBLESSING
writes:I am in the Army and have spent the last 11 months in training and in a holding status. I had been seeing a guy for the last 8 months and broke up with him a week ago. The next day I found out I was pregnant. It was an accident and I was told that I was not ovulating and that children weren't in my future (I am 28). Well, the doctor was wrong and now I have orders to Germany while my ex has orders to Texas. We have talked about marriage but he is 130 thousand dollars in Debt. He isn't funny and isn't very smart. I think he is weak and does anything I tell him to do, but then when he met my family he acted like he had a pair (Bad time for him to find his balls!). Upon returning from meeting my family, I broke up with him and then found that I am pregnant. School ends in 15 days and they are shipping my things! I don't know what to do now. I like a lot of things about it him like the fact that he isn't an alcoholic, he does not have a temper, he likes kids and was very happy when I told him I was pregnant, BUT he is in debt so bad. Most of it is from college but he chose to live abroad when he couldn't afford it. I also catch him eyeing other girls! But on the other side he cooks (not very well), and is amazing in bed. I had never experienced good sex before him and really love being intimate with him. (I am 28 after all and have had enough partners to know who is good and who isn't).... So my dilemma is that if I decide to not marry him and stay in the Army then I will have the baby alone and then have to deploy and leave the baby with someone, but I will be in Germany and very well off financially since I have no bills. On the other hand, if I marry my ex (he asked me to marry him), then I can be a stay at home mother for my baby and just slowly pay his 130k debt but I won't be going to Germany and we will be broke :( Any advice is greatly appreciated...
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alcoholic, broke up, debt, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): Marry him. There are very few non alcoholics out there. In the last two years I have only met two and I think one of them was lying as I spotted a bottle of Bud in his back pocket. He is probably good in bed because he is not an alcoholic. My mother told me as a young girl, there are only two things a woman needs from a man: an ability to pass a bar door and an even greater ability to rise to the occassion.Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): Hmmm this is tricky. But my advice for you is to not marry someone if you arent sure. I have two kids and I am not married and I thank my lucky stars. My kids dad turned out to be abusive and if I would have married him, it would be a lot harder. You guys can always get married later if things work out. But dont marry someone just because you are pregnant.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): first of all let me say that your baby is no accident i had a baby after a tubal i was shocked! i cried and cried i take back every tear she is priceless i hate it when people tell me she was an accident. do you love him if so then marry him no one is perfect i like it that he cooks and that he doesnt have a bad temper because i married one with these defects and it has been awful. best wishes
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A
female
reader, ButterflyAway  +, writes (15 July 2009):
I know you want your baby to have a daddy, but just because you don't get married doesn't mean this man doesn't have to be a part of your baby's life. You've got to ask yourself whether he'd have a more positive influence if you're not married than if you are - i.e. seeing his parents in a bad marriage or amicable friends. I'm not saying your marriage would necessarily be a bad one, hell, it could turn out great, but you do seem uncertain and that's what's got me concerned.
I wish you, and your baby, all the best.
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A
female
reader, ButterflyAway +, writes (15 July 2009):
I know you want your baby to have a daddy, but just because you don't get married doesn't mean this man doesn't have to be a part of your baby's life. You've got to ask yourself whether he'd have a more positive influence if you're not married than if you are - i.e. seeing his parents in a bad marriage or amicable friends. I'm not saying your marriage would necessarily be a bad one, hell, it could turn out great, but you do seem uncertain and that's what's got me concerned.
I wish you, and your baby, all the best.
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A
male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Right now your unsure of what you want to do.I don`t think your ready for marriage and may regret any hasty decisions you make now.I think you should get back with him and date him, and give the relationship another chance. Don`t go jumping into a life long commitment until your sure it`s what you want.Just because your pregnant does not mean you have to rush things.My advice would be to first figure out exactly how you feel. Then discuss it with him. I don`t think the army is the best place for you to be right now.What were your plans for after your service?Might be time too start thinking about those plans.Texas might not be a bad idea at the moment.But honestly I would suggest also the possibility of going back to where your home may be.It will be good for you to be around people that care about you,and that can help you out as you get into the later stages of pregnancy.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (15 July 2009):
 His Debt seems to be a big issue for you, you said he got most of it from his school loans thats reasonable its not like he gambled it away, so the guy has a degree and hes in the Army he can pay his Debt down theres alot of millitary resources that can help him with this he needs to speak with some one go online to ako.com im sure you kno what that is and see what you can find secondly you shouldnt worry about his debt unless he comes to you let the man be a man and handle his business its not that big of a deal. The main thing is you dont love this guy, marrying just because of the baby can be a bad idea, but as you state this man has some good qualities and seems pretty responsible and marrying for that can be better then marrying because of blind love, since you did not mention it im going to assume abortion is not an option for you and something i hope you wouldnt choose. Marriage in the military has alot of benefits you should check them out then weigh the pros and cons this is a big decision you should speak with a professional the military can help you with this as well and whether or not your religious a champlain can provide you with more of a professional opinion and options then I I wish you luck and hope things work out for the best
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A
female
reader, Hannan  +, writes (15 July 2009):
Quite dicey.Wateva u decide,ur baby should come first.This is almost like a miracle for u.If u don't feel convinced,then don't marry him cos i don't fancy broken homes esp raisin kids in unhappy homes.If he's ok,then u'll ve 2 get married nd give ur baby a good life.In all,u ll ve 2 give ur baby d best.
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