A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend of 6yrs split up last week. Due to his unreasonable behaviour and attitude toward our relationship. i have had my share of being a bitch and i have also regretted it. I have done everything possible to make him see im sorry and that i have learned a valuable lesson from past mistakes and have no intentions of repeating them. I told him this. He on the other hand, has no intentions of changing his ways. and has no regrets. He also believes how he treats me is acceptable and of normal behaviour. I took his daughter to see her mum when we had fell out and never thought to tell me. This is the woman who tells me she wants her husband back and he wants her, never offers to pick me and his son up to go to his house although he knows we walk or get a cab. He will rarely tell me he loves me. He doesnt buy me gifts as he once did. He doesnt touch me as much as he once did. He arrives a lot later than he used to 2-3 hours late. Even making me a cd recording is a thing of the past, yet i will give, do anything to make him happy and show him how much i love and want him. If i say or do anything that he doesnt agree with or accept i suffer with his silence towards me, i know i deserve to be better treated, am i asking to much of the man i truly do love
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): I wrote the last answer. I am interested to know if you have looked for or been outside of your relationship? Thats how he seems to be behaving.He looks like he's keeping you at arms length and if he has been driven that way he is not being unreasonable. It could be you dont know that he knows something.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): It looks very much like it could be one of several things. Either he has given you up as a lost cause,he's had his fingers burnt and is making sure it doesn happen again,he thinks you will be a bitch once comfortable. Whatever happened,has not healed and it looks very much like theres muck more to this than you have told us. I do think you need some one you care about and this dude will be soon forgot. The reason for his change towards you,is not always a decision but something has made him that way. You wont say, so whats the need of asking for advice?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): You need to stop basing importance from your own side of things. you have the rights as a couple to be equal. He has no intentions of changing back to his old self? is that what you mean? you took his daughter to her moms house but what didnt he tell you? his faults are highlighted. Your behavior past or present isnt a problem here,but his change is simply not acceptable as you are sorry and wont do it again. I am under the impression its a case of you dont want him but you dont want anyone else to either. My conclusion is what you do doesnt really matter and if it doesnt hurt you it doesnt need discussing. As you have split up now what he chooses to do regarding his ex is his choice. I think this is whats pissed you off because you thought he would die without you. This is so confusing,and theres a lot you have missed out. I believe you was abusive or cheated,and treating him mean for once has not kept him keen. His behavior is a product of your making. sorry means nothing because i dont believe you are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): First of all,his ex wants him back. She says he wants her,i would hazard a guess at saying he doesnt want her if he still isnt with her. Is it this what bothers you? if so,you will get over it very soon. What exactly did you do to be sorry about? It may be something and nothing or it could be serious, and you are scared of opinion going against you. Reading between the lines it sounds like it was something he hasnt quite got over yet. Unless you say its too confusing to make anything out of this one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): I cant make this one out? Do you mean you was a b**ch and now he`s changed? Whatever you mean,something has surely driven him. As you refer to "like he used to" and admit you was a bitch then why should he behave any different if how he was didnt work. You need to state what you mean by mistakes you wont repeat? It could be you wont get the right help from this because you are not saying the whole story. It looks like you are afraid to. The old man`s got a valid point. I think your pride is hurt but your heart is in one piece.He is now your ex,not your bf. Why and how did you take his daughter to his ex wife? Doesnt add up? I just cant help but think that you have broken his trust but dont want to say it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): Looks like fear he will end up back with his wife is more the issue. You was a b**** through choice or personality. Once comfortable you will be again. Your ego is hurt but why be with someone who doesnt meet expectation? His side of the saga isnt known but how he used to treat you didnt work with you either. He will know this. This relationship wasnt meant for either of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): You admit you have been a bitch and by the sound of it you realize you have put a wedge between you. I think you had a bit of a jealous twang through his ex. He doesnt have to ask your permission. You have been a bitch and he is aware of your capabilities. I dont think you really wanted him. It smells like your used to him. Whatever happened may be ok with you but its clear he its not with him. If it wasnt for someone else wanting him would you still want him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): hi im christina..
well in my opinion i think maybe u shouldnt give him credit where it isnt needed
show him the same grattitud he has showed u..maybe that will get ur point across that his behavior isnt acceptable!
maybe to inhance ur intamcy make him a nice dinner or change ur appearance into his fantasies for a night of passionate love-making..u can strike somme sparx and he should see that ur making an effort
good luck =]
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A
male
reader, The old Man?  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Though I stand confused on the the jumble of "I took his daughter to see her mum when we had fell out and never thought to tell me. This is the woman who tells me she wants her husband back and he wants her, never offers to pick me and his son up to go to his house although he knows we walk or get a cab." Maybe I'm dumb, but I cannot make any sense of that.
However, my overall view says it's splitsville for the two of you. You say that you grew tired of being a bitch, and apologized for your behavior. That's all well and good, but in my experience, that sort of behavior can take the excitement and desire out of a relationship real quick. Once a woman turns "bitch" I no longer see her as "princess," and have a real hard time treating her as such! A little bitchy is sexy, but too much...... Naw, huh uuh, time to move on!
That would be a good explanation for his not coming home, not telling you that he loves you, not touching you, or making cd's for you.
If he treats you poorly, why do you want to be with him?
A healthy relationship is one where BOTH parties respect and care for one an others feelings and wishes. It's a two way street. Something made you act like a bitch, and something made him stop treating you in a loving way.
Relationships are like a fire. Once you pour water on it, it's kind of hard to get it back to a roaring flame.
Are you truly in love with him, or is it possible that maybe you just grew comfortable with him? OR,, could it be that the idea of him going back to his ex eats at you in a bad way?
He's who he is, and you are who you are. Maybe you just grew apart.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (15 July 2009):
 There are some things that once you have to ask for them, you render them completely void.
Love is one of those things.
Either the feeling is gone or he doesn't have the same expectations of what a relationship should be as you do.
If he was willing to try, or thought that his behaviour perhaps needed some tweaking then maybe there would be a chance for this.
In the end you're wasting your time, love and effort on someone who is not going to return it in kind.
You've tried every avenue but unfortunately when you're trying alone it's no good. It's never going to work when you're trying for two.
If you're willing to settle for what his version of love is, stay - because that's what it will always be.
If you want more, it's time to consider leaving.
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