A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay so im 4-5 weeks pregnant, my boyfriend doesn't know im pregnant yet but he knows that i missed my period and even said he would want me to keep it if i was. so i tested and i am, i am going to tell him when im ready though. i have been thinking alot about this baby as im still young being 18, my boyfriend likes a drink, and he takes drugs at the weekends... i dont know if i want to bring my baby up around a boy who drinks alot and takes drugs, thats why i havent yet told him im pregnant, one thing i aint doing is getting rid of the baby or give it up for adoption, i couldnt do that, its like i feel close to the baby already. but im just not sure if i can rely on him. do you have some advice?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 April 2010):
You'll know more when you tell him, which you have to do. Drinking is one thing, but drugs are another. Sometimes a child on the way can wake people up, sometimes it doesn't do anything. One way or another though, he is going to be a father and you need to tell him. I'm afraid you'll really have to talk to him about it and see what his reaction is. Whatever happens, he will be legally responsible for the child.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (8 April 2010):
 Ok at the end of the day if you are keeping this baby then you have to acknowledge that your boyfriend is the baby's father and the child deserves to have its father in its life - you cannot think about denying your boyfriend access to the child because that is not fair on the child. He is the baby's father, so whether he is reliable or not he is going to be a part of this child's life.
But it is a good thing that you realise you might not be able to rely on him, because he is a teenage boy and aged 18, the chances are he is nowhere near ready to be a father. You, as a woman, have to carry the child for 9 months, and then you are bound to that child with an itense emotional and physical bond. Whereas men dont have much responsibility to the child - it will survive with or without them. So it is much easier for a man to walk away from a child, whereas it is not something a woman can walk away from. So regardless of your boyfriend's character - you have to accept that you could well end up raising this child alone and you need to be prepared for that. As a teenage girl you have to realise that if you get pregnant, you are doing this alone and there is no-one you can rely on during this. You will get support and help from a variety of sources, but there is no 1 person you can pin all your hopes on to be there no matter what.
As long as you prepare yourself for being a single mum then you should be fine. You just cant tell how your boyfriend will react to being a dad - you never know he might wake up to his responsibilities as a dad when the child is born and he may never take drugs or drink again. But also be prepared for the more likely option that he will get totally freaked out when the baby arrives and run off into the sunset never to be seen again. So many girls come on this site as pregnant teenagers, claiming that their boyfriends wanted them to keep the baby and they were even "excited" about the baby's arrival. But then as soon as they realise how tough being a dad is, when they cant see their friends anymore, generally when they can no longer act like a teenager - the boyfriends run a mile and the girl ends up crying asking "why did he leave me after the baby was born when he was so excited about having the baby?".
You are very brave to be doing this and good luck to you - I wish you all the best. Just go into this as a single mum, unless he is willing to get married in which case things are a bit different. If you go into this as a single mum, then hopefully there will not be too many surprises and you will be more mentally prepared to deal with becoming a young mum. It would be so much worse if you relied on your boyfriend to be there and support you, for him then to leave a few months after the child is born. If you dont expect anything from him (apart from the financial obligation he has to the child) then you cannot be dissappointed when something doesnt work out.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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