A
female
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anonymous
writes:need help fast! I am a 30 year old female and have a boyfriend that is 21 I just found out i was pregnant he doesn't no yet because I didn't want this to happen he already made it clear that he want's a baby by me but lately I have been having a change of heart about me and him because he is starting to act a little to childish for me I guess I now know I shouldn't have gone there with him in the first place but it was something fun to do, so now I am lost as to whether I should leave him and get an abortion or what! I am just lost please HELP!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): Abortion. Don't tell him it'll just make things messy.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 September 2010):
 I'm sorry if I came off as trying to make you feel bad about an abortion. Just trying to get you think of the other options and take it into consideration. Ultimately you're going to do what you want but all I'm saying is really think it through.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your help you all in one way or another made me feel bad about getting an abortion so i strongly believe I will keep the baby it's just that we both r on different pages now but thanks any way!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 September 2010):
 You can leave him and still have the child. I think in round one you should decide what you want to do with the pregnancy. Are you against abortion? In adoption an option? The growing life inside of you takes priority over your feelings towards your boyfriend right now.
Then in round two: do you want to split with your boyfriend? Is your change of heart because of the pregnancy, or because of the way he acts? Do you think you can be with him after an abortion? Do you think you can be with him and share a child? Do you think you can be a single mom?
So to summarize, the first question is: do you want to be a mother?
Second question: do you want to be with your boyfriend?
Treat them as separate issues, because the life inside of you is not only your boyfriends, but also yours. And the decision on what to do should not be dependent on your feelings towards the father, but your feelings towards a future child.
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A
male
reader, Ages +, writes (2 September 2010):
I am a 22 year old Christian, anti abortion and really have to pick apart the first commenter's post. I do not believe your son/daughter should ever be about paying for not using a contraceptive. Conviction is about making changes for the future and growing personally, not making extra efforts to feel bad about or willow in past mistakes. You deserve more respect then that. Remember there are many responsible "parents" out there who would love the chance to have a healthy child that may not be able to have one of their own. You may want to consider putting your baby up for adoption if you choose not to raise him/her yourself. I was born out of wedlock, my parents married because of me and the marriage ended in divorce not long ago. Ive had a heck of a ride, but I have learned so much and have really cherished my time here. I am very glad my parents choose to keep me, and I am sure they are as well. Stay strong through everything. Please don't do what my parents did and marry out of guilt, or in order to put a family together. If you choose to marry someone, do it because you both are committed to continuing and growing the relationship you already started building. I feel that it is important to let your boyfriend know, since he is the father. You do not have to let him make decisions for you though. Run everything past a mature friend you trust and ask what they see, it has helped me a lot in the past with some tough stuff. Bottom line make sure you are in a situation you feel empowered to make healthy decisions for yourself. If you have to distance yourself from him, do it. Don't let feelings of shame or regret stop you from making healthy choices for your future and that of your unborn child.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 September 2010):
I'm anti-abortion here, I think you should pay for your mistake if you didn't use any form of contraceptive. Unless, you did and this was one of those accidents...However, there are many couples out there who aren't so lucky to get pregnant and have to turn to adoption or ones who are capable of conceiving and are going through the stress of trying to have a baby..I'm the latter, I envy fertile Myrtles who can have one instantly when the rest of us are tired of having to track our ovulation and temperatures at the right time praying that God will bring us a blessing only to cry when our period comes next month. So please do not have an abortion give your child a chance at a life and more importantly the couple who can't conceive a chance at having a blessing. You never know you may change your mind about the baby. Oh and dump your boyfriend if you aren't that into him anymore.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (2 September 2010):
This doesn't sound like a condition in which you should have a baby. Not when you don't feel like you want the baby. And when it doesn't seem like this relationship is going to last. If he is childish (and he is only 21), he isn't really ready to become a father yet. None of this is pointing to valid reasons to keep the baby. I would advise you to have an abortion, and not try until you and whatever partner you are with have fully discussed having children and both want to and feel ready.
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A
male
reader, duderfx0 +, writes (2 September 2010):
You should just keep the baby don't get an abortion that is really stupid and you will later regret it. Just try and get him to stop being so childish and I'm sure when you tell him you are pregnant he will man up. I'm 17 and my girlfriend is 15 and she is almost four months pregnant and we are keeping ur oldar so it would be smart to keep it
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (2 September 2010):
 Do not tell him. He's 21 and childish (your word)- do you really want him making life altering decisions for you? Get to Planned Parenthood immediately. And next time use a more effective form of contraception to avoid having to make such decisions in the first place.
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