A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am pregnant and my ex boyfriend wants me to get an abortion. He is very stern about the idea and says that i am ruining his life and i am ruining his family goals. i am 19, he is 25. We split up about 5 months ago and then tried working things out and then this happens. He is in the military and i am more than in love with him; i would almost do anything for him but i cant get myself to go through with this. I have all the family and friend support anyone could ever ask for; just not his. What do i do? I am confused and is it fair that i want the baby but I ruin his life because he cant make any decisions?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): My dear, same thing happened to me 8 years ago. My daughter is 8 years old today. What I did is I took the father to court for a partenity, cos he denied the pregnancy after I refused to do the arbotion. The DNA results came bame back 99,999999999% and he is paying maintance.
At 6yrs the child demanded to know her father, I called him and he was so scared to come, eventually he came and we met in the nuetral place. My child was so happy, the guy respects me like hell. All I can tell you is do not make that arbotion if you don't want to, you will live with the guilt for your whole life, plus this guy will use that against you for ever. That child is you flesh and blood, if you kill it, shows clearly that you can kill him too. Careful girl.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): it isnt his choice it is your body and your baby and though it is also his it isnt living inside him is it now? x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionand missing the pill; this was not a planned happening and i am sorry to say that you do see that happening a lot. BUT he wasnt pulling away; trust me i am in med school; i have a lot of things to do before i was thinking about children. and anyways; why girls do it is beyond me cause the outcome is you are stuck with the man forever and you are not together; that sucks
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all of your responses! it really did help. i wasnt thinking about an abortion until he made me feel so terrible for changing his life. I am not getting one though. I went to the doctor yesterday and saw a heartbeat. I am 8 weeks along! he is still mad at me and whenever I try and talk to him he says that this was my decision so i shouldnt be worried about anything unlike him. this has really opened my eyes to see what kind of guy he is; its my life too. THIS STILL SUCKS; but I am actually getting excited! thanks again
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (17 June 2009):
 It's your choice. If you want to keep the baby, do so. He will have to step up but he had his part in making this child too. He'll just have to deal with it. Don't have an abortion to please someone else if that's not what you want to do.
Good luck! *hug*
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): Don't take this the wrong way, but I have to say it.
You referred to him as unable to make a decision. I hope you didn't forget to take a pill and try to make this decision for him.
It's funny how often pregnancies happen just as the man is pulling away and the girl is trying to keep him.
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A
female
reader, MinnieM  +, writes (17 June 2009):
I know how it feels to be so totally in love with someone that you would do anything for them & I learned the hard way that it means you are setting yourself up to get hurt! Just for the fact that he has insisted that you do this for him says that he is being entirely selfish & not thinking about you at all!
If that is the case then why should you consider his wishes!
You need to distance yourself from your feelings for your boyfriend and the pain he is putting you in with this pregnancy issue in order to decide what is right for you!
No matter what you decide about your pregnancy, you will need to consider if any relationship with someone so selfish would be right for YOUR future!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): It's your body and your lovely child. I have read that some women are destroyed emotionally after being forced to have an abortion. They are overcome with guilt and it marks their lives forever.I would counsel you not to kill your baby. He/she has every right to live if not with you then with another family who will be very glad to adopt him/her.Please do not kill your first child.
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A
female
reader, alexroliepolie +, writes (17 June 2009):
 PLEASE dear Heaven above DO NOT GET AN ABORTION... I'm all for choosing what you want to do for yourself, but I am begging you. Please. There was a young woman of 18 who became pregnant from her boyfriend who she loved very much. There were many decisions to be made and none of them were easy. Both of them agreed on the hardest thing they have ever done in their lives. They decided to give that baby girl life. They found a family for her through LDS Services and that girl is now 17 and living a life of love, happiness and gratitude. That 17 year-old girl is me. I have never wondered why I was given up, because my birthmom wrote me a journal while she was pregnant with me, and my birthdad wrote me letters. The adoption agency let them do that because they didn't use their real names and stuff, but I now know both of them even though my adoption originally was closed. They split up after I was born because of personal things, but I PROMISE you... Your baby will live a better life if she's GIVEN the opportunity to LIVE... My biological mother and I are very very close. She is like my big sister. I watch her kids all the time and we see each other frequently. My biological father and I have never met, but we do talk occasionally. I LOVE my life as an adopted child. My mom and dad are the most amazing people I could have ever asked to live with here. They are the people who were meant to take care of me, but my mom couldn't have kids. Jessica blessed my mom with me. You can be a blessing to a couple who can't conceive if you choose... Look it up. It's the best option. I don't know if you're religious, and I hope this won't offend you, but if you are religious, pray about it. Meditate. Whatever you want to do. It's always helped me. I hope this helps and I hope you are able to make a decision in which you and your child can be happy. You'll be in my thoughts. Be happy, everything will work out...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): Hmm well you need to make the decision if you actually want this baby. First thing is you are quite young is there anything you would like to do first eg travel a bit or spend a year in africa/america? When this baby comes those ideas fly out the window please remember that.At least for a few years anyway but even then you would need to find someone who is prepared to take your kids on for a year or however long you plan to stay somewhere and I doubt someone would be so willing.
Next decision is are you ready financially and emotionally? It sounds to me as though this man would leave you if you decide to have this baby so dont expect any support from the father whatsoever. if he decides to then great but now he doesnt want the baby which must be very hurtful for you.Are you able to cope alone?Yes you will have the support from your friends and family but at the end of the day its your baby and no one else`s so you cant expect them to help constantly.Financially I mean as though are you in a steady enough job? Do you earn enough money to keep yourself and your baby alive?Things like that.
Now to end with a quite positive note that as everyone else says it is YOUR body and no one can tell you what to do with it especially this man as he is your ex.Make sure you make the decision based on everything. What you want and based on everything financially and emotionally.
good luck
x
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (17 June 2009):
 WOW,
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. As crazy as an idea as this sounds, I can only say that we men should be accorded no rights to make demands upon women when it comes to pregnancy.
For we men usually never take into account that it is not us that are carrying children, that women are. And no I'm not going into a diatribe about the issue, for I am nether pro life or pro choice. Being a man and not having to physically experience pregnancy, I nor any other man(other than a physician)really can have an educated opinion on the subject
I will only say that ultimately it is YOUR decision because it is YOUR BODY, NOT HIS! And if he wants you to terminate the pregnancy because of his own stupid reasons(does he have another GF that you may not know about?) then you must rethink whether this guy really is worthy of your love
It is your body, and your baby. Whether you decide to keep your child is in the end your decision, and no one else's.
Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): Two things. First, it is YOUR body, not his. He has absolutely no right to tell you what you can and can't do with it. If you want to have the baby, that's your choice. Secondly though, make sure you have it for the right reasons. You're very young to have a child, especially without the support of the father. Just make sure you're doing this for YOU and that this is the right decision for you. This is your decision and no one else's. Not the father's, not your family's, but yours and yours alone.
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