A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I could do with some advice on how to encourage my partner to quit smoking. We both used to smoke but when I fell pregnant 4 months ago I quit immediately and haven't touched one since, nor do I desire too as quite frankly the smell of them makes me physically sick now.my partner said he wanted to quit too as he spends over £200 a month on them which we won't be able to afford when the baby arrives, plus he has been smoking so long his fitness isn't great and he said he wants to be able to run around after our child and I said I won't let smoke in the house or near the child.Now I know he smokes a lot more than I used to and has smoked for longer than I did so hes going to find it harder to quit but I'm getting really annoyed at his lack of will power. He lasts for a couple of days tops, then he has a stressful day at work so has a couple, then he buys a pack of 10 as was stressed but "will only have a couple and will give the rest away" and now hes smoking only at work.He knows the smell makes me sick now so he doesn't smoke outside of work as far as I am aware which is a massive improvement, but I still smell it when he comes home and I guess I don't understand why he can't quit altogether. Yet when I say it to him or how I had to quit for the baby he says I'm nagging him and it's making him want to smoke more. I admit I comment on how many he's smoked when I smell it on him but I don't go on about he it because he has cut down hell of a lot which I'm grateful for. I guess I just know if he's being honest with how many hes smoking at work. I think he finds it hard as all his colleagues smoke and go out on breaks together, I really want to help him quit but I don't know how without getting annoyed at him as I've given up so many things and changed my life style for this baby yet he wont. Am I being selfish?? How can I encourage him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2014): I don't understand why people are making out like smoking is an easy thing to quit just because you're pregnant, I quit twice, once when I was pregnant, & I found quiting when pregnant was a lot lot harder, so I'd just like to say well done to you for that. As for your partner, I'd be really peeved too, it's not fair for you to stop smoking & not him, the baby is both of your responsibility, not just yours & I would get him to try the e-cigs.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (2 February 2014):
 What makes me nervous is what happens after the baby is born. Exposure to secondhand smoke is nothing short of dangerous to that tiny baby.
It sounds like your guy has cut down, which is good. Has he tried the electronic cigarette? E-cig is a fantastic invention that will help him cut down, save costs, and most of all protect the baby and you from the smoke of regular cigarettes.
You've had the assistance of aversion due to your pregnancy. Your partner isn't so lucky. A trip to a doctor could help him too.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (2 February 2014):
 I agree that it's not about willpower but about having a true desire to stop smoking. When I quit, I didn't need willpower (just nicotine patches for a while) and I didn't need willpower because I really didn't want to smoke anymore.
That said, if he's in agreement, he could get help from his GP. I think that most GP services provide a smoking cessation service these days, and it really helps with staying on track. It helped me enormously, just going to see the nurse at regular intervals. The patches were free, too.
Since then (I quit years ago), I've heard great anecdotal evidence about Champix. People have told me it virtually eradicates the desire to smoke, hence no willpower really involved.
You could tell him about these options, or as AuntyEm suggests, prompt the midwife to advise him at an antenatal appointment.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 February 2014):
 He will only stop when he is ready to. You are carrying the baby so it's great you kicked the habit. For him its clearly a lot harder.
There are electronic cigarettes which seem to help, maybe that's an option?
Most people I know that quit do it because THEY are ready to...and going for hypnosis seems to be the best way to curb the habit
Good luck, but don't nag,he already knows the downside of smoking just as you do
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (2 February 2014):
 Midwives in the UK can now refer pregnant women and their partners for smoking cessation without any cost. You have quit but your partner can still be referred. It's a great time to quit as neither of you will want your child affected by passive smoking.
Take him along to your ante natal appointment and get him referred.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 February 2014):
 Breaking an addiction is not about willpower. Some people can just stop cold turkey, but the majority find that hard or impossible. If he keeps relapsing it's time for him to go see a doctor and think about getting on a medication that can help him wean off.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2014): the next time you talk to him about this, be calm. maybe your saying it in a nagging tone of voice. tell him that your not going to have enough money to support the child, and tell him if he doesn't quit now, when is he going to? cigarrette smells around a child is never good. tell him you can understand why it's hard for him, but maybe you can remind him that if your breathing in the fumes, who else is? the baby. good luck, i hope it all works out for you, and congratulations for the baby! x
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