A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:First of all I am writing in to just ask for help because everyone I speak to says I need to sort it myself but I seriously don't know what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 12 months, I am 5 months pregnant and he treats me like I'm nothing. When we first got together he was lovely but as time went on things got worse and he ended up cheating on me with my cousin, from then on it has been hard trusting him. We have split up a few times, I fell pregnant when we weren’t together after one night, but of course the baby didn’t ask to be born and I didn’t have the heart to terminate. So we have decided to try again, but now I can't trust him he treats me like am nothing, its hard enough getting him to cuddle me I have tried everything but he doesn’t seem to understand I just get accused of stopping him doing what he wants to do. We were fine for a while but then things got worse, I have tried everything even talking to him, he says I can check his phone or anything I want but I don’t want to feel like I have to. Now my cousin is trying to talk to me again and I don’t know if it’s making me worse again because I am constantly thinking. All I want is to be happy and I want a happy environment for me to bring our baby up in. At the min we are just constantly arguing about everything. I used to think it was me that done everything wrong, but even one of his mates has realized that it’s not just me. He just can’t see what he is doing wrong. It must be playing on my mind because I even have dreams about it. I have no one to talk to as I have lost all my friends because they don’t like my boyfriend. I talk to one person and he is a great help but I cant get my head clear please help me…
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female
reader, Italie +, writes (5 February 2009):
 HiSorry to hear about the predicament you're in. I really feel for you. The blunt truth is that your boyfriend just isn't mature enough for a serious relationship never mind bringing up a baby. This certainly isn't your fault but in a way it's not his either. That's just how some men are and no matter how hard you try you'll never be able to change him until he is ready to settle down.Believe me, I've been in a spookily similar situation. You are not going to be able to change this relationship until he changes and this could take a considerable number of years. I know it's hard when you are just willing so hard for it to work but the feelings in the pit of your stomach are here to stay unless he changes considerably.I agree that it's not ideal to bring your baby into this type of environment and when you have a kid it DOES make you have to stop doing things that you want to do. He doesnt sound to me like he'll be able to do this yet and this will cause problems in itself.You need to show him that you are a strong woman that deserves someone who will treat you right. The more you allow him to make you feel like nothing the less he will respect you for it.I'm sorry to say, and I know that you really want some positive feedback from your question, but I think that if you stay with him you will continue with this daily turmoil. If you want some peace and happiness in your life for you and the baby then you have to move away from him. YOU CAN DO THIS ON YOUR OWN! I know it sounds scary but believe me in 5 years time you'll be SO glad you did.Hope this helps a little.Take carexx
A
female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (5 February 2009):
 You have been given one of the greatest challenges that can be given to another human being: the challenge and privilege of raising a child. If you and your boyfriend are constantly arguing, the baby will know. It has been said that babies can sense discord even from the womb, so for your own health you need to make a very tough decision. Do you want to raise a baby in this kind of environment? He needs a serious reality check, and fast. I would advise to either work things out with him or get rid of him. Your baby needs the best possible situation to be raised in.
masq
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