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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Im playing a dangerous game, thats how he put it.Flirting (its both sided) with a married man.we talk about sex all the time and get on well generally.last night he text me saying "do you think we're playing a dangerous game?"i replied with "yes"and i text him saying "how is this going to end?and he replied with"everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldnt end"do i stop this BEFORE anyone gets hurt?of course i should. i dont want this to do a full circle and come bak to me one day.i get on with his wife BUT i want himi want him badly.what the hell do i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): Sweetie he didnt get offended, you dented his self esteem he just wanted to see if there was another woman out there other than his wife that would like him would desire him, that's what it is all about, and when you dumped him, OMG he was feeling what his wife will be feeling dumped...but not as worse as the wife because she had more work put into the fool than you...Leave your too young to have this on you conscience really, women like me who have been betrayed by a man who you put years into, and he has the nerve to sleep with someone else when we have had chances of straying ourselves, but because of THE VOWS WE SAID AT CHURCH YOU KNOW THE MARRIAGE THING we tend to keep our undies on,,,but some freaks can't so dont be part of this nasty game....he will find someone else, unless he is trying to make up with wife...
Good Luck...I should be blasting you, but your just a Baby.
xoxo
A
female
reader, shandygirl  +, writes (11 February 2008):
 GOOD GIRL!!!
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female
reader, hello1  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 This man will properly end up cheating, with or without you but feel better in yourself that your not the other woman. If you really talk to the wife, I be tempted to tell her! but that's up too you
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone, for all your help... and the criticism. I told him today that nothing must ever happen between us. It's not fair on me and it's certainly not fair on his wife. I don't want this to happen to anyone. I didn't think I was a bad person so I wouldn't wish this upon anyone.He got pretty offended to start with, saying that I didn't want him. I said not to be stupid and it's not that I don't want him, if he was AVAILABLE I would - but he's married and his wife is lovely.the end.thanks for your helpit really is appreciated. :)
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male
reader, leonard j. Douglas  +, writes (9 February 2008):
Most married men don't leave their wives,but they do use women just for sex. Do you want to get used? Well,That's what is going to happen in your relationship. And perhaps, He'll leave his calling-card,a baby for you to care for,I'm sure that he won't be the one to take care of it. So Play the fool if you want,but don't cry over spilt milk.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): I just had a fight with my husband today, I don't know if I can stay with him. I just cant handle the affair, you think text messages aren't much harm, well guess what is bothering me...the freakin texts...because it takes awhile to text things you have to press many times before you get each letter for a man to take the time to text each letter for a skank, just turns my inside, when all he has to do is call the wife that he doesnt leave in the first place and say "I love You" I cant get over the damn texts, reading things that a man should say only to his wife, then these men wonder why they don't get sugar at home...of course they are going to get laid...they are saying what these skanks want to hear both are desperate for something.....
Sorry but the texts is very detrimental to a marriage its the "huns" and the "babe" that rips into me.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): Ok. Two words: He's Married!!! He might be the guy for you, but you are not the woman for him. He loves someone else. He is in love with someone else. You need to let him be with his wife!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thanks everyone for your help,believe it or NOT i was being serious im not an "attention seeking" whatever and all that bollocks and "g1605" if you arent going to say something constructive or at least speak to me not in third person like a twat then dont bother.im not one of these stupid marriage wrecking women, that gets a thrill out of all this bollocks.ive been hurt and i needed a friend to be close to and before i knew it stuff has started to spiral out of control but i already knew in my mind i wasnt the marriage wrecking type and im not that kind of person for a cheap fuck anyway.so before you judge me, try actually listening or asking me something. i knew in my mind that i was going to make this stop BEFORE anything happened but i just needed some advie because my head was messed up and thank you for the advice that "I had an affair with a married man when I was 22" said because it really helped. she didnt jump down my neck. so next time before you judge me, try finding out a little more about the situation and the only reason why my question was short was because i was late for work and those two texts were playing on my mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): "You want him because you cant have him" he's clearly showing you hes available and desperate, all men who are flirting and talking sex is desperate and available, and that's why you want him, HES AVAILABLE see if he was single you might have to chase him because single men are not tied down and have many choices, too much competition with other women especially your age....this is true, as for a married man its easy the fool is PANTING FOR ANYTHING IN A SKIRT just another pussy for him to try to spice up his pathetic life...that's a married man for you...please but some earmuffs..he is likely to tell you that his wife, is mean, doesn't make love to him,,he sleeps on the couch..yadddda yadda yadda
"Like the song goes What goes around comes around"
Justin Timberlake sings it so well...
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (8 February 2008):
An attractive young woman, flirting with a married man, is not harmless.
There are 2 types of cheating. Physical, and Emotional. And when a man starts having a lot of contact with a female outside of his Marriage... via texts, phone calls, emails, lunches, dinners, drinks, etc.... it is detrimental to his relationship with his wife.
Honey, leave the man alone. It isn't a good thing to flirt with him. You have to know in your heart that it is wrong, VERY WRONG. There are enough single men out there to where you don't have to mess around with someone elses.
Sorry that you were in an abusive relationship. I was also when I was close to your age. Broken Nose, Strangled to near death, he even kidnapped me after I left him. There are a lot of other details, but I won't go into it.
Everyone needs someone to feel safe around. But there is a line to be drawn when it comes to dealing with someone elses' husband. The line should be drawn BEFORE flirting starts, out of respect for his wife. You will be someone's wife someday. Treat and have respect for others, the way YOU would want to be treated.
Take Care...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): I had an affair with a married man when I was 22. I felt vulnerable at the time, which, having read about the abuse you subsequently posted, can understand and relate to. I think you are seeking stability and support, some tenderness and love perhaps from a married man because actually right now you don't really want the commitment from a man and actually this helps you keep a little distance and some control? Possibly alternatively it could be because you don't feel you are worth full-on love from a DECENT man - I know that abuse can do this to you. These are only ideas to make you consider.. I think you are in touch with your feelings and possibly would regret it if things went further with this married guy. Sometimes sex can be the goal but once the reality of it is over and done with the relationship loses its 'value'. Perhaps try and think about what you really want from a guy. Be careful not to hurt others - however hurt you may feel. You have lots of years to meet a special guy - one who will never harm you - I wish I had spent my 20s developing my own life (interests, career, hobbies etc) instead of running after boyfriends. You have so much energy now and in the future - spend it wisely and the right one will come along. Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwoah woahbefore anyone jumps down my neck and kills meI HAVENT DONE N E THING. and i didnt think I was gonna do anything, but sometimes when you're confused you just need a little advice. ive just broken up with my bf, I was in an abusive relationship and ended up with a broken nose and 38 stitches where he knifed me. so i think i just needed someon i felt safe around.I'm NOT going to do any thing with this man. It's not going to go any further than harmless flirting because i wont let it.I just wanted to see what people's opinion on the matter was, and no im not one of those young girls that loves some married bloke and thinks he's gonna leave his wife for me. it was just a shag thats all.and no im not going to go there. like i said originally i dont want this coming full circle on me one day.
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (8 February 2008):
I was going to put my answer in as anonymous, but I want you to see my face. LoL.
You need a spanking! But the best I can do is scold you. What kind of woman ARE you to do this to another woman? The answer is : Heartless and disrespectful.
Stop this thing and stop it NOW!
Remember this... "what goes around, comes around."
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): Hello1 hit the nail on the head!! Ride on girl, I completely agree!
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female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (8 February 2008):
 I can't believe you are even asking the question. You need to grow up and find someone single to flirt and have fun with. If you have an affair with this married man YOU will end up with a bad name, and rightly so.
You say you get on with his wife? Well then show some respect and decency.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): Just stop it. And stop it quick. You're gonna hurt someone so bad, how could you be so heartless?
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female
reader, hello1 +, writes (8 February 2008):
I say just one thing, how would you feel if one day you were married and you found out your husband was having an affair? How would you feel? You are being very cold hearted and selfish.
I don't understand why we get some many questions from weak women saying their having affairs with married men. Oh boo hoo, you love him, bla bla. A married man rarely leaves his wife
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 February 2008):
 Red1982 gave a beautiful and thorough answer, so I don't have much to add here. Play out the scenarios that could happen, and realize that most of them end badly, with YOU being the one getting hurt, not to mention his wife.A bit of flirting generally doesn't hurt anyone, but I would say that it's time you stopped with him. Fantasize about him in private but do not bring it into the real world. Channel those lovely delicious feelings of being desirable into interactions with available men. Frankly, a married man looking for a bit on the side isn't a good prospect; he's in it for himself. If you really think about it, it's unattractive! All he's looking for is a bit of fun and doesn't much care who he might hurt. I would not want to be his wife!
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (8 February 2008):
 Hi,
You havn't actually done anything yet, so there is no harm done if you stop it right away.
You want him because you cant have him, thats how it usually goes. But believe me, you will have nothing but trouble if you go any further. Dont break this other ladies heart, she doesnt desrve it. Find a single man that will love you and cause you no pain. And hopefully if he loves you, and one day you have kids and are married to him. He will not give into temptation when a young girl is flirting with him and break your heart.
Do you understand what I mean?.
X
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 February 2008):
 You know it is dangerous and yet you want to play with the fire. You can control a fire when it is small but when you fan it , it will burnt everything in its path.
If you want to play with fire, better buy some insurance.
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A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (8 February 2008):
My advice to you honey is to stop it now!! I know this might hurt but it doesn't sound like he cares about you at all - more about sex. He doesn't seem to give a damn about the hurt he will cause his wife either - do you REALLY want a man like this??
You would be the one automatically blamed if you were to sleep with him and his wife found out. And you say that you get on with her. Please try to put yourself in her position. If he were your husband and he were doing this with someone else how would you feel. Don't cause her this much pain please. And if she were to leave him and you got him would you feel secure that he wouldn't do exactly the same thing to you given half a chance.
Affairs with married men always cause pain for everyone - yourself included if they stay together and you end up feeling used and rejected. The wife usually stays with her husband and he invariably wants to keep his marriage - however poor he may tell you it is. And you would be 'the evil one' in the eyes of her and her friends. This would be even worse for you because you obviously know her. You would also be named on a divorce petition if they were to get divorced for his adultery.
And if he were to leave her for you it would take a long time before his family and friends would accept you and not blame you for breaking up a marriage - I think it makes people feel better to blame the mistress rather then the husband because that's what usually happens.
Either way it would not be the hearts and flowers that you probably imagine in your head.
Instead of thinking about him in a nice way imagine that you have made love together and then he quickly jumps up, gets dressed, gives you a quick kiss and says that he's off home because his wife will be wondering where he is, leaving you there on your own knowing that he will be sleeping in bed with his wife that night and that you will be alone again. Not even knowing when you will next see him because he deosn't know when he will be able to sneak away again. Doesn't make you feel good does it??
Tell him to stop texting you, and change your number if possible. When you do speak to him keep it civil but no more flirting. Try to avoid being alone with him and try to resist tempptation. As much as you want him he has made a commitment to another person, by getting married he has vowed to stay faithful to her.
Try to find yourself someone who is able to return your feelings and able to make a commitment to you.
Take care of yourself
xxx
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