A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Im panicking because Im almost 29 and still single. I have a 2 year old son but no longer with his father. I have very brief relationships with guys as they all seem to be wrong for me or treat me bad. I met a really nice guy a few weeks ago and we went on a date. We really got on but then I scared him away by smothering him and being too clingy. He wanted to take it slow but I wanted to jump right in. And its because somewhere in my head theres this nagging voice that keeps telling me that I must settle down and telling me that people must think Im weird to not have a partner at my age. I just feel under this huge pressure. Having said all that, on the other hand I am so fussy. I wont go on a date with a guy if I dont like the look of him straight away, whereas most people go on dates with other people and get to know their personalities and grow to like them. I have to feel an instant attraction to even entertain the idea of a date. I wont just settle for anyone. Im terrified of commiting to someone and living the rest of my life with them. I know that sounds so contradictory given that Ive just said I feel huge pressure to settle down. But I cant explain it. I do feel pressure to settle down due to my age, yet Im scared of commiting to the wrong guy and making a terrible mistake. I dont know. Im just so confused and miserable. Many of my friends arent settled yet. Some are married and most have children now but they are not all in long term serious relationships or married. This makes me feel a bit better about things. I suppose Im just worried about hitting 30 and still being single Im so worried if anyone can give any advice would be much appreciated xxx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (19 May 2012):
So I found this webpage yesterday...so insightful. I'm pushing 30 too and I feel ya. Hope it helps, I think it helped me :) And no, I'm not spamming--I just thought a lot of it was pretty accurate and I should follow a lot of what it says.
http://bookoutlines.pbworks.com/w/page/14422733/Why%20Men%20Marry%20Some%20Women%20And%20Not%20Others
A
female
reader, Arete +, writes (19 May 2012):
You mention that you feel a lot of pressure to find someone and settle down... who is pressuring you?29 is not old to be single, especially in modern society where many women want and expect to have stable careers outside of the home. It's worth knowing also that many people who marry at young ages grow apart as they grow older and mature more fully, and this can cause problems for those couples down the line.You are right in not wanting to "settle" for someone who isn't quite the right fit with you. If looks are a priority, so be it. No one can tell you you can't want your partner to be attractive but do realize that you narrow the prospective dating pool quite dramatically right off the bat by requiring men who interest you to look a certain way. It's also worth noting the obvious: that some facets of people's appearances can and do change over time. When my partner and I started dating I was almost 20 lbs heavier than I am now. He had long hair (below his shoulders) and I found that extremely attractive. Now, two years later, I've lost the weight and he has a really short haircut. Though we both have made somewhat dramatic changes in our appearances, our feelings for one another have not changed. If our relationship had been founded on my preference for long hair or his preference for bigger girls, we might be in real trouble. I guess what I'm saying is, don't underestimate the power of chemistry between two personalities. Looks are much easier (and more likely) to change.You WILL meet someone who is right for you, so in the meantime try to be patient and enjoy the ride. Best wishes :)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 You know what honey I know plenty of people at your age who are still single. You need to stop thinking you are going to go out of date and need to settle down straight away and start enjoying life. At the end of the day you are going to scare every guy away if you come on to strong. I think you should loosen up a little, sometimes it is true that guys we don't have an instant attraction with can grow on us, and believe me it can work long term as the more you get to know the person the more you get to see how attractive they are.
I know it can be scary getting to a certain age and feeling that you should be settled down. But if you push for it you are going to push every guy away. Try and enjoy life, look you have a great child, you have lots of friends. Organise a night out now and again with your single friends, and just enjoy life. Make the most of your life, chat to new people and take things really slow. Good luck.
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