A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for 4 years now. We grew up together also dating in high school.Our relationship has been a series of ups and downs to say the least! In June of 2005 we found out I was pregnant. He freaked out to put it mildly. Apparently he was "hanging out" with some girl from work. Which is interesting enough b/c at the time he was a pharmaceutical rep and would go awway for sometimes 2 weeks at a time. She was there and was in training also each time he went away. So the only time they saw eachother was then. We went about a month w/o talking and by September we were back together, even taking a pre-marital class at our church.Lately everything has been wonderful! we are talking about getting engaged and have already picked out the ring.Last week a ran into a girl at the gym who said she used to date him. She said they were sleeping together, etc. This all was during the month he and I went w/o speaking. This severely upsets me considering I had asked him to please respect me and our unborn child (because we were occassionally still sleeping together) and let me know if he slept with anyone else. He denied even dating this girl atleast 3 times. Long story short. He slept with 2 girls when I was pregnant and had unprotected sex with the one. This was all a year and a half ago and technically we weren't together. I just don't know if I can get over this. How can I trust this person. He swears he was just in a bad place at that time, confused, scared about the baby, etc. I'm so confused as of what to do. I love this man immensely, we have a beautiful little girl and were on our waqy to marriage until all of this came out...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (6 March 2007):
 I agree with agony uncle, try, hard though it is, to put this behind you, for your little girl`s sake as much as yours. You mentioned a class you`d taken at your church; in times of worry, the church, if you`re a believer, can be a souce of great comfort. Please put all your energies into raising your little girl; they grow up so fast it would be a shame in later years to look back & realise that you hadn`t enjoyed every minute with her as you`d been overwrought over this boyfriend problem. Having a child is often enough to make even the most immature/selfish person grow up overnight, so hopefully the trust I hope you can learn to have again will not be broken. As regards the marriage situation; only you can decide, but if you`re both not 100 per cent sure, then no harm will come from putting it back a few months, or until the air is "clearer & cleaner" between you both. My thoughts are with you, With Love, Heather.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): I'm not quite sure how being confused and scared about having a baby with one woman is cured by having unprotected sex with another woman, possibly producing ANOTHER unintentional pregnancy on his part. You are right not to trust him, is is either a coward, a liar or just not grown up enough to face the inevitable consequences of his own actions.
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A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r  +, writes (6 March 2007):
first and foremost get yourself checked by a doctor and dont sleep with him until he does the same.
well as you were apart at the time he theoreticly never 'betrayed you' but i can still see where your problem is as you want the father of your baby to be loyal to you.
has he warmed to the child since its birth? does he support it? help raise it as a good father?.
if your still together theres not much you can do but draw a line under this event and treat it as you woul any partner he had befor knowing you. you werent a 'proper' couple at the time, even if his actions were cowardly.
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