A
male
age
41-50,
*im1234
writes: I am a 29 year old male from the UK. Two months ago, I met this lovely 21 year old young lady. I have fallen head over heels for her; we are very much in love. But, the age gap bothers me. Does it really matter that my girlfriend is many years younger than me? Does it make me a pervert that I am having a relationship with a woman who is barely into her 20's?I must admit, her friends do'nt approve of our relationship. They refer to me as 'Dad' or 'old Man'!This is truly unbelievable, as I am not even into my 30's yet. However, they're probably either a bit mentally immature or just jealous! I am not going to let jealousy get in the way of our relationship. I really do'nt want to lose this woman. We are very compatible with each other and she is mature for her age. Having said this, they do say that women mature faster than men- I can be a little immature myself at times! Guys, once again, I really appreciate your advice!
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female
reader, belladonna123  +, writes (19 August 2008):
Are you kidding?? I'm 30 and my husband is 58 and we get along like a house on fire! Known him for 5 years, been married for 4, so don't let the age gap get in the way of a good thing!
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (19 August 2008):
 There is absolutely no problem with this age gap! What if she was 31 and you were 39? Would you regard that as a problem? How about 41 and 49? This is hardly an issue!
The only caveat that I would add is that 21 is a young age in absolute terms. It is my firm belief that most 21-year-olds are not finished growing up and have a bit more thinking/exploring to do. Put it this way: girls who are only 21 often don't know their own mind.
In the next five years, going from 29 to 34, I suggest that there won't be a radical change in your ideas about yourself and your place in life. But there's a good chance that she'll change considerably before she's 26.
This is just a generalisation from my own experience. It's quite possible that she's far more mature in her thoughts and emotions than many 21-year-olds. Anyway, don't worry about the age gap!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): Age Gap? What age Gap? I was thinking that maybe you were in your 50's and dating a 20 year old. You have nothing to worry about. And yes her fiends sound extreamly inmature...so just ignore there ignorance. Congratulations on your new love. Best of luck Lover Boy!!
~~The GabberJack
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (18 August 2008):
 She's an adult, and seems to know what she wants. Talk to her, let her know how you feel. Work together to get through the tough times dealing with the criticisms that the two of you may face from others who don't have a clue as to what your relationship is all about.
An eight year age difference at your age is not really meaningful
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008): You hit the nail on the head, your girlfriend is a woman and can make her own mind up. While you are both happy in the relationship, enjoy it. You and your girlfriend's opinions matter not friends.
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A
male
reader, CarlosUK +, writes (18 August 2008):
 Hi Tim,
In my opinion the answer to your question is 'no'. I don't think being quite a few years older than the girl you are with is bad. If she is mature like you say then I can’t see a problem with it.
At the moment you will be going through the so called honey moon period where everything is new with each other and you are both really smitten with each other so it's going to feel good.
One thing you will have to take into account though with the age difference is where you both are in life? By this I mean are you ready to settle down, kids, mortgage etc like some people are your age are and is she wanting to go out, partying not wanting so much responsibility so to speak again like people at her age her. You don’t want it to be a case where she feels she is missing out on things like girls holidays, going out all the time because she is with you. She might feel like you are a hindrance on her life and you may end up breaking up because of it.
Again, though if you are both still in the honey moon period then you won't be looking at things like this. The future so to speak. But just bear in mind that things like this might play a part in your relationship.
Apart from the above though if you are both happy then just see what happens. It’s still early days. Just take things slowly.
As for her friends they will get board of calling you 'dad’
Hope that helps
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (18 August 2008):
 Age gaps invariably only ever become a problem if either of the people in question have got issues with it. If you are both ok with an 8 year age gap then there is no reason whatsoever why this should not work. At end of the day the age gap between the pair of you is not really that big anyway, people make relationships work with far bigger gaps than this. Age is only a number, how a couple feel about one another far supersedes how many numbers are between them. You should not worry about the silly comments her mate's are making either, thay are probably just jealous, all that should really matter is what you & your girlfriend think. You obviously really like each other so go for it.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, marmajuke +, writes (18 August 2008):
 Age really doesnt matter!! If you really like each other you shouldn't notice an age gap. Age is something we are tagged with its doesnt matter how old you are or how old she is!!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 August 2008):
 I just completed a full lecture on this, and turned it into a 3 CD set. In it I explain that her feelings of this mortality issue comes directly from her emotional need of Fear Of Abandonment. In my CDs I explain a number of ways to deal with this, but I am going to give you one of my best topics of discussion. Yes it is possible you may die first, however, if someone was ill with a disease like MS that would cut their life expectancy short, should that person be forbidden to love, marry or find happiness? Of course NOT! You would want that person to find love too, just like every is entitled too. You can read more of what I talked about in my reviews about how to handle her objections, her family and friends objections, how to handle YOUR friends objections and how to address her fear of abandonment.
Here is the link where you can read the notes some of my students took: http://www.lulu.com/content/3104488
If her objection is strictly the age thing, you can overcome it by addressing her emotional needs. If it is something else like maybe she is not interested in dating you at all, then she is using the age thing as just an excuse.
-Frank B Kermit
author of Dating Younger Women: A Guide For Older Men To The EMotional Needs of Loving Younger Women
http://www.lulu.com/content/3104488
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (18 August 2008):
 Tim, both you and the girlfriend are adults... in Britain you're legally an adult when you're 18, and both you and your girlfriend are over 18. You're not doing anything immoral or perverted. You've found this special love, and if you are compatible with each other, who cares what her friends think? Both of you are old enough to consent to a relationship and you are happy. Just enjoy the relationship and just ignore her monkey-brained friends' comments.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008): Of course its not rong! When loves involved it dunt matter what they think. Age is just numbers. It does'nt matter if there far apart as long as your not!
Good luck! ;-)
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A
female
reader, Umari Solanthus +, writes (18 August 2008):
 There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating a girl who is in her early twenties. There is only an eight year gap, nothing to worry about at all.
I'd place my bets that this woman's (because, yes, she is a woman, not a young girl anymore--she is a woman capable of independant thought and able to make her own choices about who she chooses to be with) friends are still immature and prefer to date within their own immediate age group.
It is common among people our age to see people in the later twenties as older--through our own selfishness, I'll admit, since I've been known to think that from time to time myself. But you should just ignore it. So long as you treat her right and she loves you, does it really matter what they think? I mean, what do her parents think? Are they bothered by the age gap?
But do not worry about the age gap. It is small in comparison to some relationships we see these days, so you should not feel strange about it.
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