A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I came on here because I just wanted some advice. I am 22 years old, I also have an older sister who is 24 years old. Growing up I always knew my mum loved her more than me, growing up my mum use to pick on me, she use to poke fun at my weight (eventhough I was a normal healthy size), if I wore a skirt she would point out that I had stretchmarks at the back of my legs so I would change into trousers, I was always a sensible child and I would always do anything for my parents. However growing up my sister was always seen as perfect to mum, she never does any wrong and she would always defend her. So we have now grown up, I have one child, my sister has 2 children, I am a hard working mum, I have a job, I'm studying, I do my best for my son and anyone around me, but my sisters life has gone the other way, she drinks a lot and takes drugs a lot (even around her children), however my mum knows this and she still sticks up for her and defends her eventhough she is doing this around her children. My sister takes drugs because that's all she has grown up to know, her partner is on drugs, and my mum is a regular drug user and even deals drugs (which I have always been disgusted with and so ashamed of). They all think its ok to waste their lives away being jobless and taking drugs, I am not stuck up but I have grown up with my parents on drugs, and I have chosen not to go down that road, I want a good life for myself and my child. And even now my mum always puts me down, and makes snide remarks at me, she even told me when I was younger that she "don't love me" and I was a "mistake". She is never happy for me, I got myself a nice home, a lovely partner, a good job,a beautiful child, and studying towards my dream career, and she just will never be proud of me. It really upsets me because I know that she will never love me like she does my sister, and she constantly puts me down and eats away at my confidence. I have told my mum how I feel and she says I'm just being silly but I really am not, I'm not some jelouse younger sister fighting for attention, I just want my mum to be equal to me and stop putting me down. My partner said my mum is jelouse of me, and that's why she puts me down. Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for my mum and sister, they like to spend there days taking drugs sat around a table drinking, and they sit there for four days sometimes because they have took so many drugs. Sometimes I am kind of ashamed of them. It also angers me that I work hard and struggle for everything I buy but they are making money as drug dealers and can buy whatever they want, however I say to myself I need to leave them to it. Do you think I'm a selfish sibling and daughter for writing this and complaining? I just want some advice
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confidence, drugs, money, puts me down Reply to this Question
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female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (28 September 2014):
 You are not selfish, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud of yourself for having the courage and character to beat the odds and ignore the bad example your mother set you.
Your mother and sister are cruel to you because you make them feel ashamed of themselves. You came from the same humble origins they did but instead of choosing not to make an effort with your life, you took personal responsibility for your well-being and made your life into something wonderful. Their snideness and their jealousy are no fault of yours, so please don't blame yourself or think yourself deserving of such unkindness.
I would add one more thing - for the sake of your child, if your mother and sister continue to abuse drugs and model unsafe behavior, they should not be a part of your life.
Congratulations on everything you have achieved and on the amazing future ahead of you! Best wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2014): I'm sorry for the hole you feel where your mother's love should fill.
We all want a parent's unconditional love and support and it is incredibly hurtful when the people you call family disappoint you.
Well done for beating the odds and overcoming.
My advice is to focus on what you do have. Your child and your partner and your career. They are your family. They love you. They need you. They support you. Focus on them.
Keep your distance from your sister and mother if they have nothing to contribute but misery.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 September 2014):
 Not selfish at all, self aware and proud(which is good) in spite of your environment you've grown while they devolved. You have every right to golive your life any wayyou see fit. Don't worry about what anyone thinks or says about you. you have excelled under impossible pressures, you go girl. Good Luck and malama pono
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A
male
reader, crushed_by_love +, writes (27 September 2014):
I'm not too sure what your question is but the answer is obvious, albeit difficult to swallow.For the sake of your young family, and the decent respectable life you've built for yourself in spite of your upbringing, you need to lose them from your life and make it clear that until they're clean , you want no contact with them. Any fault in your relationship with your mum or sister is 100% THEM and they need to earn the right to call you part of their family again.
It will be hard distancing yourself from your family but you have your own dependents now who deserve your full attention and support.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 September 2014):
 Your Mother and sister are two creepy drug users and dealers???? .... and YOU'RE worried about impressing them, and/or having then "value" you???????
Take a weekend alone and ask yourself this: "WHY would - or, should - I give a damn about my Mother or my Sister when they are SO THOROUGHLY SCREWED UP?????"
The answer to that question - which you pose to yourself - will also be "the answer" to this query, here on Dear Cupid.
Good luck.... sounds like you've go a lot going for you.
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