A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Ok im crazy for this girl i have known her for a long time and things just kept getting from normal to worse. We have been friends for like a year and a half and we know each other real good. Hses the type who always wants attention always with another guy but lately shes been claiming shes in love with a guy. They have a small history cause they were dating then he left to another country and it seems to be long distance or something like that. In my eyes shes a person whos always confused and cant make up her mind, shes the type with guys around her all the time.So now you have an idea about her... Me and her are really close and all she knew i liked her for a while and shes suppose to think that i think of her as a friend and nothing more, but we all know thats not true heh? :PWhen im around her i try not to give her full attention so she doesnt feel im all over her and stuff now me and her during the last one year and a half have always been playing games with each other she gets me then i get her back and stuff. For example like a week ago she went crazy cause she heard me on the phone with another girl, so its either shes pissed cause the attention shifted or that she likes me.Her birthday is in a couple of weeks im throwing a party cause my birthday is after hers by 2 days so wer gona have fun all together. Now thing is i was thinkin of setting up a room and makin it all romantic and stuff then getting her a present and placing it in the center of the room and surprising her... it will be just me and her and then you never know maybe all that energy and feelings that have been between us for a year might pop out cause of the atmosphere. Is this a good idea or not? i know i will never have this girl and if i do it will be for a very short time and to be honest im only hoping for one night that night to be me and her then i dont want her she can run off with who ever. I want that night to be nothing but the truth cause i know deep down she likes me but she just doesnt want to show it for some reason.Is this a good idea?! or should i just play it cool and ignore her in the party? :P
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 It appears that she might be just taking her time in choosing. This is the norm for some people to date many suitors at the same time. This isn't necessarily a sexual thing. It gives a person a chance in getting to know about different possible mates in order to give them the chance to choose wisely. It is known as Bridgeing.
In however she is just plainly confused or afriad of committment she could be doing it to avoid anything permanent or long term. It could be that she is just a very outgoing and vivacious person and will easily attract single males and married ones too. Being popular can make a person stand out in a crowd.
If she is under the assumption that you only like her for a friend she might have let her heart go there with someone else. It is possible she is in love with someone and wants your blessings as her close friend. It could also be that she cares about you and might have ideas that you feel the way you do. She could be trying to get you to make a move. Any of the above is quiet possible.
If she was upset that you were talking to another girl she is probably either afraid of loosing her *best friend and it's making her jealous or loosing you to someone else as a mate. Whatever the reason you need to give her clues but don't be too obvious. Pay her a little more attention but nothing extreme. Let her see you when you interact with other females. Give her mind time to think on her realtionship with you.
Great idea on the party be sure to invite lots of good friends especially the female versions. Be nice to those gals but not overly friendly you don't want to hurt her in any way. Watch her eyes as she is seeing you walking around and greeting everyone. Watch that body language. Introduce a few friends to her, be sure to throw her off a bit by introducing at least a couple of guys too. Pay her attention but don't be overly..Just a little more than usual as it's her birthday too! Maybe she will pick up on the hint! Spend alot of time conversing with all of your friends. Stay busy so you don't have to give her all the attention.
It isn't the object of the situation to make her jealous but to make her think. The more she thinks she will feel. When she has time to see what she might be missing it could be that she decides on YOU! If the time presents itself you can tell her how you really feel about her but let her be the one to guide you. If you aren't getting the signals from her then back off. She will need time, give it to her. In all things to come,"what will be will be".
The idea about the romantic room and the present is a very nice gesture but you don't want to blow it. Approach that idea when caution. If she isn't ready for vows of love she could be the one backing off. Give her a nice gift and throw that party! Have fun and take it from there.
From your last few sentences I am getting the idea that you are kinda down on yourself. Don't be! you sound like a very warm and caring individual. You are already a special friend. Let things move forward naturally and it will all work out.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU BOTH!!!
God bless you and your friendship.
A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 Whether it works or not depends on how you present the situation. If you present the situation as "I'm not deserving of you, but let me show you this romantic atmosphere in hopes that you'll want to be with me" then you've already lost. If you present the situation as "Come into this room and share this awesome experience with me because this is what I want to happen" then it MAY work.
It's hard to predict what may happen because of the type of girl you're dealing with. She is a girl who's ADDICTED to attention. By having guys drool over her all the time, constantly, she's become acclimatized to that amount of attention as normal. Does this mean that you cannot give her any of your attention? No. It just means that if you want to give her some of your attention, you have to make it special to her.
All the attention that's been lavished onto her has been free. She's been pre-approved to having all this attention probably because she's really attractive. What this means is that if you want to differentiate yourself from the other guys who are offering up their attention for free, is to charge for it. She must EARN your attention. Your attention and time should be the most valuable commodities in your life and anyone who wants some of it must earn it. If you can show that your time is desirable (by showing that others want some of it e.g. other people/girls want to hang around you) and then get her to earn your time, then you should be alright assuming that you can get along with her.
What would most likely work, is to set up the room just as you described but only show it to her if she earns it. Make her earn your attention through her personality, like things she likes to do and her interests and not just through her beauty (which I'm assuming she has). Force her to show you what she's like as a person and not as some pretty object all the other people see her as and then when you're sure that she's actually earned the right to go into this room you've prepared for her, you can say "You know, I never realized what a cool person you are. I want to show you something." Take her to the room and get her to wait outside while you go in to make sure everything's cool and then take her in and just enjoy yourselves.
Anyway, that's just my take on it. I'd love to hear how it goes, so feel free to contact me.
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