A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi.I used to never really have any friends and always stay at home on my computer. A total nerd (excuse the phrase) and I went out with a few guys on the net. It was meaningless till I met him - Alex.I know it was just over the internet but he made me smile and I looked forward to when he would be online so we could just talk. I also dated him till about two months ago, he was gone, wasn't online for a month. In this time I had began to go outside and met a guy.We started dating and now I am so confused. I'm not willing to give the guy up for a non-physical internet relationship no matter how much my heart bleeds everytime I talk to Alex. I just want it to be like it used to be between us but yet I don't. I do like this new guy, but he's... just nice. It's better then wishing I could touch a guy who lives half way across the world. please help me. I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (13 August 2007):
 Hi
The internet 'relationship' was fine at the time, we have all been through times when its actually less hassle to have a flirt on line & stay indoors. But you cant do that forever, its unhealthy.
I used to use msn chat rooms years ago, and the amount of people here in the UK that were 'dating' guys over in the States that they would never meet was unbelievable, and we are talking people in their 30's!
The internet is escapism from the real world sometimes & to be honest, in the long scheme of things, thats not a good sign all in all.
You need to get the balance right. This internet guy isnt real. This guy you met while out, is.
'Nice' guys are brilliant. I dont get why girls prefer bad guys. My mate is like that! It doesnt make sense to me but everyones different i guess.
You found things exciting with the internet guy, because thats exactly how it can be, exciting without any commitment, everyday bores getting in the way, Responsibilities. But its not real! Life isnt like that. It cant be one long party.
Maybe you are just not ready for anything with anyone right now & should just stick to going out, and using the net to chat to people, not just guys, then in the future when the time is right you will meet someone decent when out.
Im not a big believer in meeting partners on the net, although i know it can work for some. But any counselling expert will tell you, its not the ideal place.
Hope you work through it.
C xxxxx
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