A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear All, Please help - any insight would be most helpful. I have just recently got out of a really toxic relationship.( around 3 - 4 weeks ago) for good and have cut all contact. I was seeng a cruel and controlling man for around 3 years. I got very weak, and was drinking a heck of alot to cope initially and was to weak to leave., He wore me down. I went to AA meetings and got clear, well clear enough of it not to let it sink me. He was/ is manipulative, devious and cruel, and very controlling. Anyway, I took it in my own hands with the support of my freinds and finally cut contact a few weeks back. I work full time and got an extra job part time as well to keep me busy and active leading up to ythe final break , and have been getting stronger over the months. I have lost any extra weight, grown my nails again, had my hair cut and am loooking back to myself. I no longer pick up his calls. My problem is this. Since I have left, I am even more anxious than when I was with him. I have been having irrational fears, worrying about death and dying, heart palpiations and huge anxiety. So much so that my Manager at work called me in and asked me what was going on and am I ok. I am not depressed either- I finally have my life back in my own hands and have had moments of peace and clarity and could almost cry with happiness at times when I look at how my life has reformed again now, and am proud of myself for clawing my way out of that hell hole. I used to get panick attacks when I was with him, take time off sick, be fearful etc, but was used to it I guess. I do not understand why I am getting these intense feelings of worry, fear and loss now I am finally away from the pain source. Like really morbid thoughts about how short life is, and what if someone I love getsreally ill, and stuff like that. I have moved into a proper life again, and am working hard, doing well, pursuing my hobbies, , eating well, looking better etc, and have left a nasty toxic man and horrible relationship and then this happens, these nasty feelings and fear.Please can someone let me know why this is happening. I'm scared. Thanks - xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear all. Thank you for taking the time to respond,and for your good and kind advice. I.m taking it all on board. I will be going to my GP, reading,praying,an meditating. It is a form of PTSD , and needs to be treated. I.ve been sick with nerves,and am hoping to get it sorted asap. He still ringing,so I have the phone off mostly. It really unerves me. I feel like i.m living on adrenaline all the time,and am trying hard to take it easy this weekend,and do nothing. I will update you all once i.ve been to the Gp. Thanks once again. X
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (7 November 2013):
 You are on the path to health..you have recognized your problem(s) and delt with many of them. It sounds like a few weeks of counceling with a "shrink" might be just the ticket to shedding the rest of your burdens. I think some therapy and even some religious emersion would be a good thing. The bible is not to be under-rated in your time of need. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): You are not alone in this. I think it happens to a fair few people. Just because you're free of the toxic relationship, it's legacy is still with you and will still be with you for some months. At just a month I'm not surpised you're still a bundle of nervesIn your relationship you were constantly anxious and walking on eggshells. Your body was constantly pumping adrenaline and cortisone through your veins and into your brain. Even if you were not in imminent danger, small amounts of adrenaline would still keep coming because you had to be hypervigilant in case things changed in an instant. Your body is going to have to learn slowly that it no longer needs to do that but it'll take more that a few weeks. Think about it - if you were nearly hit by a speeding car, the feeling of anxiety that you'd be left with (racing heart, breathless, jumpy, nauseous, wobbly legs) can stay around for hours afterwards and that would be only after one event.Try some of the general tips on relaxation etc. Valerian and Bach Flower Rescue Remedy get generally good press (and they even prescibe it for jumpy pets now) I found yoga very helpful - especially Vini yoga as it has a strong emphasis on breath control. I've never particularly got on with meditation and the like but found that the methods taught in Vini yoga had the same effect of helping me clear my head. It did take a little while to master though and you do have to keep it up.I would also encourage you to visit your G.P. especially as the problem has got bad enough for colleagues to express concern. Your G.P may want to trial an antidepressant - not because you're depressed but they may help with the excess "fear" chemicals that your body is producing. Your G.P will always start you on the lowest possible dose and you do have the right to decline medication if you don't feel its appropriate.I would encourage you G.P to refer you for a course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which is free in most of the areas of the UK. It's not a magic cure but it's very effective for people with phobias, compulsions and excessive anxieties. As usual with the NHS you may find there's a waiting list but if you work for a large employer you may be able to get quicker access to this type of service through the occupational health service
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A
female
reader, misssunshine  +, writes (7 November 2013):
 Its seems to me u live really healthy life now and keep continue it !anxiety is a mood...it comes and go, u should keep yourself happy and work hard as u do ,my advice is to ask for professional help,u been for long in toxic relationship and it left u with scares ...
talk to your friend and family about it its the best way ,don't ever keep it just for ur self ..good luck :))
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): Remember how you felt when your mom left you in the hands of your first teacher? That scary abandoned feeling that she was leaving; and you weren't sure she would return? Yet you were excited to see all the other children, and being in this new place. You were left to survive on your own. You had to rely on your own senses and instincts. The teacher didn't offer you the secure feeling you had when your mother or father is around.Your anxiety is the overwhelming realization of freedom. You have been thrust into the world to survive on your own senses and instincts. It's terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. You will be relying on your own resources and supporting yourself. You are also realizing that you will be alone.Things will settle-down. It is all new to you, after 3 years. You will also undergo grief for loss, and the withdrawal process associated with detachment from your ex.You've been released from that dark place. You've escaped his emotional-bondage; and you're walking in the light again after a long period of darkness. You will feel somewhat overwhelmed. Subconsciously, you are also concerned about his impending behavior regarding the breakup. His relentless attempts to reach you will surely make you nervous. It's meant to intimidate; if you fail to respond. Turn the ringer off and place the phone on vibrate.Block his number, if you must.This is the post traumatic stress also setting-in. You should seek a women's support group for counseling. As you know, sitting and talking to people gives you a sense of comfort.They will also introduce you to the resources available for your protection, and to help you deal with your stress.Most of these organizations are charity-funded; and of minimal, or no cost. It is essential that you do seek or continue your counseling. You won't become dependent. It's to control and manage those emotions that will over-whelm you, or just sneak up out of nowhere.Maintain no-contact. Surround yourself with every resource available to help you. Reconnect with your family and friends to re-establish you support systems. You don't have to face this all alone.
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