A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am very jealous of my boyfriends kids and his ex. he was with her for nine years and they broke up in 1998. His kids or his ex do not know about me, and he tells me its none of her business. I don't have any kids and I think something else is going on. I have been with him for 3 years. I should know his kids. He says he doesn't want to introduce me until we are engaged. I want to leave sometimes but he does so much for me, and he says he wants a future with me. I'm not sure what I should do. Confused.
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broke up, engaged, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 Why should his ex know anything about you? Its none of her business, as for his children knowing whether you exist or not is a different story. I would have thought three years down the line you would have met his children by now and have some sort of relationship with them. What is the real reason for keeping you a secret from his kids after all this time? It seems that he is in a relationship with you on his terms and not on a 50/50 basis. I think you should give him an ultimatum, either you meet his children, so you can form a relationship with them or you are out the door.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 November 2007):
 If I was in this situation and waiting until I put a ring on her finger, my daughters would kick my rear. Does he have visitation time, or does he just hide you in the bathroom when they come over?
Ask him these: What is it about me that you feel your kids won't approve of? Has your ex ever made threats with your kids if you involve another women in their lives?
I will tell you this as a parent of 4 wonderful children. His kids need to know you and build a relationship with you before the ring is put on your finger. I would say if you dated and lasted a month or two, it wouldn't be any of their business, but three years, and planning on getting engaged, long term relationships are their business because you being part of their dads life is going to affect them as well.
When he says it's none of their business, just tell him it's important to you to get to know his children before hand, and you won't accept any sort of ring until you've had that chance.
Take care, I hope everything works out.
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