A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy online about two weeks ago. I hope I won’t sound stuck up when I say this but I've been bombarded with emails from guys so I’m being very picky. This guy stood out because he was nice, not suggestive, and didn’t blab on about himself (plus I found him attractive). He said that he'd like to start off as friends but is open to the possibility for more, and said he’d really like to get to know me. In his second email, he tells me where he went to school, where he lives and what he does for a living and what he does in his free time. No red flags so far. Then he asks about my work and says he’ll leave other questions for another ‘time or place.’ He ends his 2nd email saying he hopes we can get together for a drink sometime soon.So obviously I interpret this as an invitation to go out. I haven’t replied to him yet because I’m not sure what to do.He lives locally and we even went to the same university (but obviously never met). I’m not scared of actually meeting him – if I was to meet him I’d do it in daytime and in a café or something and tell a friend where I’ll be at.What I’m unsure about is what his intentions are. He says he’s a nice guy and is ready to commit but people will tell you what they want you to hear. Although I do want to meet up fairly soon and I wouldn’t want to waste time writing emails, I don’t know how to interpret his invitation to go out? Do you think he asked too soon or does he just want to see if we click straight away and not waste time emailing back and forth? I suppose I’d have to take a risk to find out but what do you think? I've been hurt in the past by guys who just wanted a hookup (and left me when I didn't give in) and that's what I'm scared of here. But we seem to have a lot in common and I guess I'd have to meet him to find out.And yes I have verified that he is who he says he is…don’t ask how (I have a good source!)
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Are you in a rush to get into a relationship? If you are not, I would suggest continue with the emails or online chat. But, if you had free tinme during the day or weekend, you can also invite him to have coffee in a public place somewhere. Then talk about the college you both attended.
There's so many ways you can tell whether or not his intentions are good and sincere, either during your direct interactions in the flesh as well during your online chats. He may also be going through the same "process" you know, i.e. thinking whether or not you are sincere or just playing a game (wink .. wink)
I would also suggest that you approach this with a "friendship" approach rather than "looking for the one". That way, you'll be protecting yourself in the process, be in online or in real life.
Good luck and have fun!
Cat
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 I think I would go for that meeting up; obviously taking the precautions you mentioned. I think it's reasonable to see if there's any connection in a face-to-face meeting and you don't have to sleep with him, after all!
You sound very hesitant and concerned about this, are you really comfortable with the entire process of this type of dating? Or have you been burned in the past?
So, why not meet up with him for a drink? You'll find out soon enough if there's any reason to pursue dating him further.
Good luck and stay safe!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): You'll never know unless you go, go on a date with him, you'll be better able to gauge what he wants if you meet him face to face.
You've nothing to lose. It's up to you to decide if it's too soon, if you feel it is, then just stall him.
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