A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I moved to a new town just over a year ago. When I first got there I met someone and we became friends. After a couple of months, we started dating and I fell in love.The only problem was that I wasn't fair to this person. Before I left home, I made promises to another person b/c they were going through a rough time. This person was also going to be moving to a foreign country for school and I didn't want them to be alone. I agreed to be in a relationship with them even though I don't love them in that way.The other person that I got involved with when I moved here sensed something was wrong, and I continued to lie to them. They recently found out about the other relationship, and broke up with me. They said, however, that they did want us to remain friends as we were always friends first.My problem is that I don't know what to do. I love this person, but don't want to leave the other person alone, especially when they are in a foreign country when they have no friends or family. I also feel very guilty for what I have done, and when my ex and I get together, I feel confused and very guilty and I don't know what to do
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): In your attempt to make two men happy, you ended up lying to both of them, basically. You've lost the one you really love but you are still 'stringing along' the other guy, the one you don't love who lives in another country. The guy in the foreign country, he's a man who can look out for himself...right? So tell me, what is going to happen when you tell him, "you are sorry but it's not going to work out, with him". Seriously, think about that. He's going to be hurt, yes. And he'll recover...he'll heal and he'll bounce back. So you need to stop lying and start being honest. You showed the man you loved, a side of you, he didn't like. You weren't being honest. so how is he supposed to build 'trust' with you when you do that? Trust is the basis/the rock solid foundation of all love relationships. When there is no trust , there is nothing. So what do you do...start being honest, truthful and stop trying to be an emotional balm to a man you don't love. Cut him loose and get talking to this guy that you do love. Tell him you realize the the horrible mistake you made, in trying not to hurt the other fellow and ask him if you both can be friends, with the intent of building trust with one another. There are no guaruntees, hun that you will get him back. Trust is a slow process...you take baby steps. But if you want this guy you love, to be someone special in your life again one day, you will have to be strong and take the steps to prove to him that you are trustworthy and can be completely honest with him. That is how the truest love is built. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow do I break it off with the other person without hurting them? I know that it will hurt no matter what, but how do I do it so that we can both move on. Should I do it slowly, or all at once?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): Well.. Its cute of u that u wanna help ur friend feel ok. You dont HAVE to be in a relation ship with the other guy u dont have feelings for. Just be friends. Plus long distance relationships dont work out anwyays, been there , done that, not going back :P lol.
That guy u love... Love is a strong thing, If you talked to him, or Something, he probably might understand.. Just dont lie to him. Having a good healthy relation ship is the best, not one build on lies. Plus u aint actually with the other guy, U dont feel anything for him. So it shouldnt matter.
Good luck :)
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