A  ,
anonymous
writes:hi i am 16 yrs old and all i have done in relationships is kiss. i have got a bf at the moment we have been going out for about three weeks, but ive known him for ages an liked him for quite a while, i think im ready for the next step in our relationship (tossing him off) but im not 100% sure, but then again i never am about anything. i know he wants to, but im not sure why. he is quite imature still, he might want to because he loves me or he could want to because he wants to catch up with his friends. i really dont know, if i do do it with him i want it to be because we both love each other, not because he just wants a girl to do it to him. how do i find out and should i do it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Pinky +, writes (24 June 2006):
 The old adage says, "When in doubt, don't." You're not ready because you're asking how to tell if you're ready. This isn't a competition; there's no need to rush into sexual activity. Three things really stand out from your question: 1) you've been seeing this boy for only 3 weeks. It may seem a long time but I just got off an 8 year relationship so trust me it takes more than 3 weeks to know someone. 2) You want to be loved (don't we all?) and you seem a bit impatient. A boy isn't usually going to tell you he loves you in 3 weeks unless he wants sex from you and he's lying. Do you want that kind of "love"? I don't think so. It's empty and you will end up used and hurt. You're searching for love but being sexual does NOT create love. Being sexual gives you the feeling that there's more to your relationship than there actually is. It's a false sense of intimacy. 3) Why is the next step "tossing him off", anyway? Why is the focus only on HIS pleasure? Maybe you should be thinking more of yourself than as a masturbatory tool for him. He can jerk himself off, he doesn't need a woman to do it for him. Treat yourself with more respect and dignity and you will be shown respect and dignity from others. Do not be this boy's sex toy and dehumanize yourself for his pleasure. It doesn't sound like he is looking after YOUR feelings. You're quite confused now and I say do not do anything. Go on dates, enjoy time getting to KNOW him. Don't rush into sexual stuff just to feel closer to him because you will just be kidding yourself. Been there, done that and have jars of tears to prove it. You're worth more than that!
A
female
reader, Danielle934 +, writes (1 May 2006):
 Even if you have known a guy a while, being in a relationship on three weeks with him is a very short amount of time to think of taking the next step... ESPECIALLY since you want to do the next step when you are in love. Being friends with someone is also completely different than being in a relationship with them. My advice is that you stick to the kissing for now, you will know if he cares for you if he is willing to wait for a while (and by the way, a while is not three weeks). You should wait until you are absolutely positive that he loves you without any doubt making you think he might just want to catch up with his friends. Make him prove his love for you. Wait till you are ready and don't let him pressure you, you have you whole life to take the next step, so make sure it really counts! Also it may be a good idea to not talk to him about why you want to wait, because then he could give you what you want (saying he loves you), to get what he wants (you tossing him off). You have to be cautious and protect yourself; otherwise you could end up getting played.
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