A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I find myself in a very difficult situation. A few months ago I broke up with my boyfriend because we had a lot of issues and he did not treat me right. We've been together for 10 years and it was a hard decidion. I went to leave with my parents. A month later I started dating someone at work. Everything was really good except that fact that my ex boyfriend was calling me every day and asking me to come back. He was calling me for three months and telling me how much me leaving effected him and changed him. He said he wanted to marry me and have kids and just have a normal life. Everything was going well with the new guy, but I had my doubts. We are from very different cultures and I don't know if i can overcome that. So I decided to give my ex boyfriend another chance. I moved back in with him without ending things with the other guy. I new how bad it was and tried to break up with him the very first chance I had. It did not go well. He said he had very strong feelings for me and willing to wait for me. I did not tell him that I was going back to my ex. He did not take no for an answer. It is very hard as we work together. Now I am not sure if i did the right thing moving back with my ex. I don't feel the same and now I understand that he is bad in bed. I don't know what to do. Do I stay with the guy who is offering me a family, who I feel comfortable with, but does not sattisfy me in bed, or with the guy who really want's to be with me, makes me laugh, amazing in bed, but because of two very dierent backgrounds I can't see future together. I am confused.I can't make a decidion and I don't want to go on like this.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (6 February 2011):
Hi there. The new guy sounds like the one you ought to be with, not the ex.
He makes you laugh, satisfies you in bed, and lots of other good stuff as well.
It really depends on how much of a difference in cultures there is with the new guy. This is something you will have to think about very seriously.
If everything generally, works pretty well between you, then the rest can probably be quite workable as well. If you are both happy, then that's all that matters.
Because you broke up with the first guy, there must have been a reason to break up. You need to remind yourself of that.
Another thing to think about is, if after 10 years of being together and you hadn't got serious about your future after that time, you never would. If it was going to be good for both of you with a future, it would have happened many, many years before 10 years!
If you you and your ex boyfriend were going to have a future together, it would have happened after the first year to 18 months. When two people are well suited, they usually know it within the first 6 months of first meeting.
Ten years is a very long time to know if it's going to work or not in the long term. It does sound more like a habit.
You're on a winner with the new guy. He seems to make you truly happy. Isn't that more important?
A
female
reader, AuntyMaur +, writes (6 February 2011):
 Just remember this...you are toying around with real people here whom have real feelings.
Inside of you is the truth, only you have the answers.
I think its time to let go of them both...try being single for awhile..go have some fun so you can find out who you are and what you want..being bogged down in relationhips since you were 18 or so is a long time, which might be why the partner of 10 yrs is struggling to let you go..you cannot base good sex as a means to a long term relationship. Its time to be honest with yourself and both men. I know it is difficult working with someone you have slept with however it will be made worse if you keep lying to everyone including yourself. Also a life lesson keep pleasure out of the work place...Be a woman speak up and go it alone for awhile.
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