A
female
age
36-40,
*deline
writes:So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and three months. We have had our up and downs as in any relationship but he's caused quite a few of the downs. For example, during July this year he had left his email open on my computer. I was about to use my computer when I found one of his emails titled "Warning, LOL". Curiosity got the best of me and I opened it. It was naked photos of himself to a girl he claims he is friends with. Well then curiosity really got the best of me and I started going through more (I know, wrong move on my part!). There were multiple emails that he had sent naked photos of himself to girls and they had sent naked ones of themselves back. I confronted him on this and he told me he would never do it again and would delete all photos. I gave him another chance. Well everything was great for the next couple of months even though he had graduated from the college we both attend and moved to a city about 2 hours away. I'm still here unfortunately getting my masters. In December he decided he was going to come up to the college for his fraternities winter formal. He also decided he was not going to tell me this because I have a hard time with long distance and as I was working that night, he would be unable to see me. Although all week he was texting me how much he missed me. His reasoning for coming up was to set up speakers for the music which he has done previously for them. Well he didn't tell me he came up and I found out two or three days later by seeing pictures on a website called Facebook. I called him up and confronted him and he told me majority of it and that he didn't want to tell me because he was just coming up for a few hours to do the speakers and was leaving late that night back to the city. I understood that but then I find out that he lied about only staying for a few hours. He actually spent the night in the same town as me and lied to me about it. I was furious and broke it off with him. I told him to NOT call me or text me. Well he took off work early and drove up to see me without an invitation. We talked, I cried, and took him back yet again. Then later that month he came up one night to just see me. I was incredibly excited to spend the time with him. Well only hours after he arrived, he had downloaded pictures from his email on my computer and didn't delete them. My history had stored them. I found them and saw that they were partially naked photos of his ex. He claims they were from about 6 months ago. We have had many problems with his ex. She refuses to move on with her life and continues to cause a problem in our relationship. My boyfriend knows that I do not like this girl because of the problems she has caused yet he still remains "friends" with her and keeps her at a close distance. I'm so confused the last couple of months because I'm not sure if I can ever trust him again. All these things are warning me that something is wrong but other than these instances, he is absolutely perfect and everything I would want in a life-long partner. What should I do????? Please help!
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female
reader, Hermione  +, writes (11 February 2009):
The first thing you should look for in a life-long partner is someone you can trust. You need someone who will be honest with you as well as respect your feelings. For instance, if those pics of his ex really were from 6 months ago, then why was he just downloading them now. What kind of person would continue in that type of behaviour, especially since you've confronted problems in this area in the past. Sounds like he wants to keep a few women close in case things don't work about between you too - or in case you two are in a fight, then he'll have someone he can call who's apparently ready and willing to sleep with him. A lifelong partner should be so happy with what he has that he never keeps women on the sidelines "just in case". You deserve someone better!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): Um...you say he is absolutely perfect, apart from the fact you can't trust him! trust most important thing in a relationship......He sends and receives naked pictures. that is not the behaviour of a dedicated, decent man I am afraid to say. My last boyfriend was awful, he cheated on me with another girl for six months and I knew in my heart of heart he was doing it. You have to listen to your instincts...if you think something is very wrong then it probably is. good luck
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