A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It all started out very nice.. he was so sweet and charming thought he could be the one. After a few months he started being very distant, went calling me much and he would argue and yell at me all the time. When we made up everything was ok then he went very distant again and wasn’t calling me at all and i had to ring him and say ive miss him and that i wanted see him he would say in a few days and i would say ok then but then he would not come or he would yell at me on the phone. He said i was cheating on him when ive been totally devoted to him he said i was taking him for granted which i wasn’t. He was saying these things and I felt really bad that he didn’t believe me that he was the only one. We had a big argument we made up after that and i haven’t heard from him since. What do i do? What did i do wrong? All i did was love him. Why did he do this? Please answer.. am so upset right now..thanks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Soul Soother +, writes (10 February 2009):
Hummm firstly you poor love have a hug on me :)Sometimes its hard to work out why guys go off you, as women we think and think and think about what 'we' have done wrong (when 9 times out of 10 we havent done anything wrong)STOP! The more you beat yourself up and wonder why the worse you will feel. Trust me Ive been here so many times! More often than not there isnt any particular reason. Guys just dont see things the same way we do, they dont get emotionally involved, more often than not they enjoy the chase the fun part and when that wears off they just lose interest. Its nothing you have done or said or havent done or havent said we just do things differently. Now forget about this one, and start thinking about the next one, listen and learn.....There are a few easy steps to keeping a guys interest, make him fall for you, want you and be intreged by you!1. Never answer all his calls texts. Yes, sometimes if there is a reason you have to answer that call or text on time but if you have waited all day for him to get in touch and he finally does! RESIST the urge to reply right away, leave it a day, THEN reply casually, DONT appologise for the late reply either!! 2. Dont over text or call him!If you bombard him with text and calls his gonna freak and run for the hills, if you get the urge call a friend or your mum and disract yourself with something else.3. Dont be so availableDont accept every date. Even if your not show him that your a cool independant chick, you have your own life going on and your not gonna just drop everything for him. Say something like on I would like to see you friday but ive already made plans with my friends maybe we could do something Sunday instead, or even better cant do this weekend as ive already made loads of plans, give me a call in the week though and we can sort something then, trust me he will call. 4. DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM!!Ok I dont mean not at all but make him work for it! Get to know him first and make sure his the guy you wanna be with, your be able to make a much better decision on this if you leave the sex out of it, also if your easy guys will loose interest a lot quicker, there is no fun in something thats easy....once they get what they want they will move on and it wont be with you. There is not set time limit to how long you should wait but I always think at least a month, see him maybe once twice a week for a month (hey its only 4 weeks and it will go fast) get to know him and then your know if its going anywhere or not and if you wann take it further. Never feel presured by anyone to do anything you dont want to do. 5. Chill out!Us women over analyis everything we talk it to death with our girlfriends.....guys do not do this! They dont think about it too much. The more you think about it the more chance your mess it up. Dont let insecurties and paranoia creep into your head. Your already half way there, he called, he likes you and you deserve this. His lucky to have you girl! You have to think like this. You have to love yourself and feel confident in yourself before anyone else is. So in a nutshell, take it slow, stay in control, dont smother him, and have fun!!!Good luck Xx
A
female
reader, shiraz * +, writes (10 February 2009):
hiyah i think hes usin every excuse he can to get out of the relationship, my advice let this one go to save yourself the hurt. from him all your going to get is hurt hes not willing to offer you a happy healthy relationship so dont hang around. he will eventually destroy the person you are, youll start to think you really are to blame and that you have done wrong when its him. i think its more than what youve seen, it may be to do with him personally. its not your mess, youve given all you can and he doesnt seem to want that what more can you give? you cannot give all you have to someone who doesnt respect or want it. i think he did this as a way of getting out, hes trying to blame you for his faults and hes trying to grab onto anything for an excuse. dont let this go on anymore.love hurts, so does healing. let him go and start to heal, use all your love on someone who deserves it and gives it you back. best of luck xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): You probably didn't do anything wrong except chase after him when he disrespected you (by disappearing for a few days and not calling).
The guy is acting as if he doesn't value you. And as much as your instincts are telling you to go after him. DON'T.
Men can't handle their emotions as well as a woman can and you trying to get him to talk when he is upset is just going to push him that much farther away from you.
So sit back and wait for him to call you, I don't care if it takes weeks, leave him be to stew and feel the sting of rejection from you, because right now that is what he knows he deserves and if you don't give it to him he will continue to walk all over you.
From the sounds of it, I hope you don't take him back, he doesn't sound ready for a real relationship. He is not the ONE. There are many men out there who could be your ONE.
The best thing and kindest thing right now for you to do is to focus on YOU and how crappy you are feeling right now and to remind yourself that it is because he isn't a willing partner to you right now...so be angry with him not yourself. (Don't call him up or tell him how angry you are) Use the anger you feel towards him to get up and get motivated and start living your own independent life. Get back to doing the great things you liked to do before he came along, and you will feel better, heck you may even meet a much nicer guy who treats you better.....and you won't want this guy back.
We can always hope.....hang in there, kid, you're going to be fine.....he knows he's been an ass to you, let him apologize to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): You didn't do anything wrong. He is just an a-hole, unfortunately there are a lot of them out there. When you meet a really nice decent guy you will realise what a mistake you made going out with someone like that. He is just an idiot - no one has the right to yell at you or be distant from you. I suspect you have slightly low self esteem to put up with it. Honestly forget this idiot and move on.
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