A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 19 and I have been with my girlfriend for about a year, we have known each other for 4. Both of us have expressed to each other that we plan on this being a long term, monogamous, committed relationship. She and I are kind of sexually active. We do everything there is to do sexually, without actually having intercourse. She says she does not want to have sex until she is married. My question is, what do I do about this? If I want to have sex and she doesn't. I dont know how much longer I can deal with doing everything there is to do leading up to sex, but never doing it. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (7 July 2010):
It sounds like she has made her desires pretty clear to you. Like "raiders" said - you MUST respect her wishes in this matter!
If you two intend to be married then let her know that you DO respect her wishes in this matter (and that had better be true!) but you need her help to reach her goal of being a wedding-night virgin. That could mean some of the behavior you are now doing will become off-limits, because they put you too close to violating her trust. It could mean that she helps to satisfy you with non-coital activities (the "everything but intercourse" things you're doing) - and YOU ACCEPT THIS, without pressuring her for more.
My wife and I took the (almost) "everything but intercourse" approach during the 9 months we were engaged before marriage. We both knew there was a definite time when we WOULD have sex - she even asked if I wanted to exchange virginities with her between the ceremony and reception - which helped me accept the restrictions. And we helped each other meet the goal of being wedding-night virgins. In retrospect, the whole experience may have taught us something about "working together", and "compromise", in marriage.
If you do NOT intend to be married - then you really have no basis for ever expecting sex from her. And you certainly shouldn't pressure, coerce, or manipulate her into compromising her position.
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 I was in a situation just like that and I had to end it because I couldn't live with myself putting pressure on her like that. Sex can be a big deal when you two are not on the same page about it. The veiws of wanting to wait till marriage don't just pop up so I'm doubting you will want to wait. So you have two options then; one is waiting around and hoping that she gives in which would only be when she knows that you two plan to be together forever. Choice to is to leave her, people say sex is a terrible reason to leave but they are completely wrong we are too sexual of being for that to be such a problem with the relationship. If you do leave her make sure the next relationship you enter you are straight forward that you have no intentions of waiting until marriage for sex. That way you'll avoid finding this out after so much has been put into the relationship.
Hope you find what makes you happy.
...............................
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (29 June 2010):
 Respect her and accept her wishes, maybe you should stop putting yourself in that situation. Don't tease your body just put a stop to it and wait till she is ready.
...............................
|
