A
female
age
51-59,
*last
writes:Hello, I had been having one night stands with a guy from work for about 5 years . It was so painful because he would always say he didn't love me and then we would have a row and and I would try so hard to forget about him that I ended up seeing other guys inbetween. He never saw any other girls so I kept thinking he must like me but I wanted more than just the odd drunken night once a month and he didnt want any more than that.finally i met a new guy who loved me and we had a great relationship except that I just couldnt forget about the 1st guy. and even more annoying just cos i got a boyfreind and wasnt available he kept telling me how sorry he was about how he treated me and that he did really love me.eventually I gave in and slept with him again!! he has called me and been all lovely on the phone but hasnt asked me on date since then ! ..its been two weeks! He said he was going to take me out but he has really bad skin problemand is embarrassed...i know he does have bad skin problems and that it is a bit true but worse of all I now am in love with 2 men!..and don't say that im not because i really am.... i can't bare it ..what can i do to understand my feelings... im so annoyed with this guy...especially since hes not even making such a big effort to see me anyway....but its been going on for 5 years...how can i just forget him ? i cant especially since hes beingthe nicest hes ever been...:-( help
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female
reader, blast +, writes (1 July 2010):
blast is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies. The title of my question was not my own creation but from Dear Cupid so I think it kind of made the problem more focused on the one night stand aspect than anything else. Actually reading back to my question it sounded like i am more 19 years old than 39... so I felt like a fool, i should be more mature by now.
I guess what I was trying to express more is that when your heart is broken its just so difficult to love someone else no matter how wonderful they are.
I have a wonderful man to love me and i love him dearly but the pain from this last guy is preventing me from being able to settle down and forget.
Its difficult to sever all contact because for 5 years we have been through so many arguments and have so many times agreed that we would be 'just freinds without any sex' He really doesnt push me for sex and does want me as a freind but we just ended up in bed after 2 years of not sleeping together. Its so difficult to really explain the complexities in this small forum. But really I know hes not just using me for sex ..its not that simple...we have talked loads about it ... but I am going to try severing contact(again) for a bit to get my head cleared after this latest episode . thanks for your help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): I think you're just someone he knows he can come to you to get SOME. I mean no offense. But I seriously think you can do better even if Idk who you are but if the guy's like that move on :D
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 June 2010):
 I agree with TimmD.
Stop having anything to do with GUY#1 - cut the contact with him as much as work permits it.. He's had 5 frigging years to decide to be with you, yet.... He doesn't really want to. He just wants you to hang around and be available when HE wants you..
Don't be a doormat honey.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (29 June 2010):
 You are being manipulated by guy #1. He's had 5 years to show you what kind of a guy he is. And after 5 years what causes him to change? Him seeing you in love and moving on. You are being manipulated and if you continue to talk to him then he will ruin a good chance to be happy and in love with guy #2. Don't fall for it. Sever ALL contact with #1. He will just continue making excuses and keeping you on the hook for sex and you will be unable to have a normal relationship. And don't say it's not easy since it's been 5 years because he has said all this time he doesn't love you! He just wants sex and is afraid he'll lose it if you fall in love with someone else.
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