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male
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*pencersdad05
writes: I am not physically attracted to my wife like I used to be. Is there hope for restoring physical attractiveness?My wife and I have been married almost 5 years. We are both around 40. We have only had intercourse eleven times this year. I am sexually ready, but turned off by my wifes weight gain. There are many times we get started, but I go limp. I always blame myself and would never tell her how I feel about her appearance. I encourage healthy eating and working out, but her desire to eat is much greater than her sexual drive. I am not being a pig as I am a very considerate and polite person. I really don't want to head down the road of divorce, but find myself admiring other women and fantasizing about them.
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male
reader, jpc08109  +, writes (4 February 2007):
I am in the exact same stuation as you, my wife has put on at least 70 pounds since we were married 7 years ago, I find her grotesque, I am no Brad Pitt, but at least I take care of my body I work out 4 times a week to make myself look good, and there is no sex because 1. I am repulsed by her, I don,t understand how a person can let themselves go so bad, so what she had a child, it is her responsibility to make herself attractive to me and my responsibility to be attractive to her, it works both ways. And number 2 is that she is disgusted with herself and does not understand why she can't loose weight, it is a no win situation, and I am fed up I want a woman who will take care of herself and care about her appearence, that is why I am filling for a divorce. Thanks for letting me rant
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (15 November 2006):
 i agree with the other aunts u need to lead by example.
i dont know if u guys have any kids, what i would like to add is this during pregnancy and after childbirth the women's body changes and if she is not cautios about it, she can gain a lot of weight and that weight is not easy to shed it needs a lot of work and commitment, probably ur wife is frustrated by this and finding it hard to loose it and now she had given up unfortunately to deal with her unhappy situation she resort to food which makes it worse, what u need to do is to ask her if she ever thought of being the way she was gently, so that she doesnt think u are disgusted by her, if she say yes ask her what she would like to do and u are willing to join her during that weight loss plan she plan to embark on until she reaches her target, this will encourage her knowing that u are supportive and not judging her. i also dont think surprising her with a sexy underwear might be a good idea if this weight gain is really a frustration to her she might think u are mocking her, so refrain from buying clothes or lingerie so that u dont turn out insensitive while ur intetions were to charm or sooth her.
let her know u are there for her and u really want ur marriage to work, renew ur romance u can start by just texting while at work, send her flowers do the things u used to do for her that she loved renew that intimacy so that u will know if the marriage has a chance or not, like the 15 yr old said sometimes it is the small things that counts as sex need some suppliments as well if u want it to be special. good luck
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male
reader, jack23 +, writes (15 November 2006):
 This is a very common situation is many relationships, so dont feel that you are alone.
Firstly, its important to remember that if you want her to put in some effort you need to aswell. Start working out and getting yourself in shape and encourage her to do it with you. This is a hard one to crack because she needs to be aware that changing her apperance is nessary, but not to make her feel bad to the point shes depressed about the way she looks.
Try reading up on some healthy eating and junk eating facts, to try and encourage her towards healthy food and away from the junk food. Suggest talking walks in the evenings and weekends to start getting you both active, things like that. Talk to her about when you first started dating and how attractive she was psyically.
It will be hard but just remember to lead by example, and try to think bout what could possibly convince you to what to get in shape then try and exercise these reasons on her.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Adelaide +, writes (15 November 2006):
 Weight gain is usually gradual and can be for many reasons.
does she comfort eat, is she unhappy? or does she overeat because she is so content?
The reason for her being overweight might actually be because she is feeling unfullfilled in her own life at the moment.
Don't kid yourself in thinking your wife is not aware of her weight gain! she may even blame herself for the lack of sex! and lack of attention that she is receiving from you at the moment.
You need to make your wife feel special again, plenty of talking, compliments and cuddles would be a great start.
Tell her how attractive she is tell her that you find her a turn on, this may even give her the inspiration that she desperatly needs at this time, compliments will help! they may even spur her into making a concious effort to look a million dollars when you are around!!
Instead of watching her gain more weight why not help her acheive weight loss, you could start by doing an activity together, tennis, badmington, swimming, go for a 15 minute stroll each night instead of watching the tv!!
Tell her you have seen the most sexy underwear that you think she would look great in! suprise her woo her again!!
Inspire her, lead by example, cook a low fat healthy meal for her- candle lit!! who knows.....
Don't sit back and let this issue manifest or escalate act now!! be positive I have every confidence that adressing this issue in the correct way will inevitably bring you closer together and potentially you can have a very happy, loving caring marriage.
Good Luck and Kindest Regards
Adelaide
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female
reader, Adelaide +, writes (15 November 2006):
Usually, weight gain is a sign that your wife may be content or unhappy, does she comfort eat? maybe she is over eating because she herself feels unfulfilled in her life currently.
You could perhaps encourage her to start dieting, say that you have seen some underwear that you think she would look fantastic in!! tell her that you still find her attractive and a turn on
It is important that you make your wife feel wanted and needed for who she is not for what size she is. I am sure your wife is well aware of the extra weight gain and may even blame herself for the lack of sex.
what she needs right now is the love & support from you make her feel special and give her lots of compliments and cuddles, this will be a start.
when your wife is feeling better about herself and how you are around her maybe then she will find the inspiration to loose that excess weight!
In time you could encourage her to loose weight , why not take up a sport with her, go swimming, take an evening stroll. there are many ways in which you could help!!
You must tackle this issue before it escalates, I am positive you will be sensative in your discussions. However, if you don't tell her how you are feeling how on earth is she supposed to know?
Be positive!! you found her attractive when you met her and married her I am confident that with a little tender loving care this issue can be resolved.
dont walk away from what potentially could be a very happy loving, caring marriage work together you will both have so much fun in the process.
Good Luck and Best Wishes
Adelaide
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A
male
reader, Thomas17  +, writes (15 November 2006):
 Hello Spencer,
a strange problem you have there.. well what i can suggest if you DO want to have great sex with your wife again.. well this may be one sucky tip but.. stop with the fantasizing. it helps bring you back to reality and makes you realize relationships are not all about drop-dead-gorgeous girls and men being together for sex only. there is more to it than sex alone.
hope ive been of some help yea.
btw im 15 dont take this wayy seriously
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): Tell her that you want to get your sex life back together and that you liked the way she was. She should consider your opinions and act on them. Your wife should also be concerned about her own sex life and should start taking better care of herself.
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