A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wonderful boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years. He is very good looking, in beautiful shape, great eyes, and not to mention well endowed.. So, one night this past summer, we almost had a threesome with a girl he met first, but I thought she was cool. It was a night of lots of drinking, so as Girl and I were getting clothes on after our naked hot tub session, (there were other people involved as well, no sex, just nudity) one of us thought it would be great to have my man join us for fun.. He didn't get upstairs in time, and a male friend had come up, so I left our male friend and Girl alone and they ended up together. Well, when my man found out how close he had come to a threesome, the idea stuck. The idea is sticking in regards to that particular girl as well, I like her, she's not intimidating, visits, but lives in another state, but I truly think SHE likes my man too much. Also, I think because of the idea of all this, my man is too interested in her. This is not something I am opposed to and would like some real advice, I do like Girl as a friend and she's a cool chick, and almost perfect as a third, but I am hesitant because there may be too much interest from Her and my man in each other. Am I being paranoid?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone - Thank you again for all your answers. They have been helpful.Do I wish I never said anything? No way! I love how open we are about this and are in "talks". :) I am the realist, I think of things like, where would she (now we are at a "whoever" and no longer on THAT girl) sleep? How quickly after could she leave? Do we reeeally want to have it at our house in our bed? My wonderful man on the other hand, looks at it from what he knows of threesomes, porn. It is funny "ruining" his vision by asking him the real questions, and turning it around on him. We are close, and I am secure, we are both attractive, smart, adults that can make the right decision for us. I definitely think it will happen, we just have to work out the kinks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): Talk to your husband. My husband and I have had threesomes with another girl. My husband has been best friends with this girl since bfeore he ever met me, so I was worried about them getting too close too. I have to admit after about 6 months of this playing around I am still a little nrevous. But my husband and I talk openly about these things and he keeps saying why would he want to leave when with me he gets his cake and icecream too. Ironically this has brought us closer than ever and has brought more trust into our relationship. We have started to incorporate other people into our erotic fun too. We do not do anything without the other person there or at least knowing ahead of time what is going to happen. I do not believe that this works for everyone! It seems that since you have been together for so long maybe he is just excited about the thrill of change rather then her herself. If she has feelings for him, that doesn't matter unless he lets himself have feelings for her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): Three is an ODD number. Don't do it! I watched it ruin several of my friends lives. You think you can handle it, and the next thing you know he is meeting her for fuck sessions behind your back. Three doesn't make sense because two will branch out. It's just human nature. My friends told me the fantasy was better than the real thing. They regret it because with the three friends I'm talking about - all separate incidents - it ruined the relationship. This is something that you do with someone you AREN'T in a committed relationship with. Even then, do you want herpes?
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reader, lucy1993  +, writes (28 February 2011):
i do you think you are being paranoid because he is with you in a relationship and not her, your bf just wants try somethings new and he is passionate about the fact its going be a good experience. you shouls arrange the threesome and have fun together xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): The idea of having a threesome came up in one of my relationships a few years ago and like you I had doubts about the idea and how I would feel during and after.
Would I be jealouse or unhappy I chose to do this? The answer was no. Once it happened it was great and my boyfriend told me that seeing me with the other girl was one of the most erotic things he had ever experienced in his life.
All in all it was great and I have never regreted it. Me and that guy are no longer together but the threesome had nothing to do with our break up. And at least I know he went away with some special memories of me and that night that he will never forget as long as he lives...
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow. I will definitely say EVERYONE has given me a lot to think about. Thank you! As for if we are going forward, not tomorrow, but yes most likely. We enjoy sex, our sex life is amazing (just the two of us), and bringing someone else in is an exciting prospect. He brought up the original situation one night sitting at home, and said "so, who's idea was the threesome" and as soon as I said, "I don't remember, maybe hers, maybe mine". That's what grabbed him, that I was just as up for it as they were, until then he thought it was just a passing joking thought. He has always been faithful, never cheats or lies and I have no reason not to trust when he says that it's the idea of me with another girl that is the true bonus. She and I are both attractive, the same age, same body type, so I can see how the idea of she and I would get him going. He wants to be involved and have sex with us both, but before we do this we are setting up some guidelines. As for my reservations, he has been amazing, supportive and understanding. I am actually getting that much more comfortable with the idea after posting this!
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reader, Universe Man +, writes (25 February 2011):
My guess is, if you show that you are secure and confident in sharing your man a little, he's going to be more in love with you than ever. Your situation has been good for nine years even WITHOUT him getting any on the side. I really don't see him saying, "Hey, I realized I want to be with this girl and not you, my girlfriend of nine years who gets me into hot threesomes." Good for you for not conforming.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): and the only reason we are still discussing this is because he realized how close he was to actually having one.
Do you kind of wish now you never said a thing at all?
With the cat out of the bag so to speak, I can imagine that its only going to progress until a threesome becomes inevitable. I dont think you are being paranoid now but if you let this girl become that third wheel you very well might have many many paranoid nights to come.
Personally, I am with the philosophy that two's company, three's a crowd, but if you both are not opposed to the idea, perhaps it might behoove you to seek someone who doesnt have a strong romantic interest in either of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): I did a threesome once with a married couple who wanted a passable, feminine crossdresser. It started out well but in the end the wife became mad at her husband as he was more interested in me then her.
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reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (25 February 2011):
 Many couples find out the hard way that threesomes can be dangerous for those in a committed relationship. I’m not saying it can’t work for some couples, but you need to be aware of all possible outcomes.
Obviously, this girl finds your boyfriend attractive or she would not have agreed to a threesome with him. Are you worried that she may want more than just a threesome from your boyfriend? How old is this girl? As for your boyfriend… what makes you think he is becoming too interested in this girl? How often do they contact each other, and have they spoken to one another about the threesome?
You said, “Well, when my man found out how close he had come to a threesome, the idea stuck. The idea is sticking in regards to that particular girl as well.” Then you said, “This is not something I am opposed to.”
At this point, are you planning to follow through with this threesome? Have you told him you are having reservations about the threesome, or this girl in particular? If so, how did he respond? The way I see it, you told your boyfriend that he missed out on a threesome opportunity, and now he is intent on making it a reality! I can’t say I blame him. It’s kind of like giving a child candy and then taking it away. If you decide to go through with this threesome, will it be a one-time deal, or a recurring event? These are things you need to talk about beforehand.
Also, you said you’ve been with this guy for 9 years. If you don’t mind me asking, do you have children, and do you two plan on getting married some day?
Sorry, I know I ask a lot of questions! I look forward to your response. Good luck!
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 I don't think you're being paranoid. When in doubt don't buy as they say. You have doubts, then it's a no go. Simple as that. Explain it to your boyfriend, say that while you thought it would be fun at the time, you have been getting doubts since then. If the right moment and occasion should raise again then you might be up for it, but for now the moment has passed. And it will not be coming back.
Then just see how things go in the future. Talk to your boyfriend about the idea of a threesome, what it means to each of you, expectations and fears etc. A threesome requires a lot of trust and communication between the couple who want to bring in a third person. You need to be on the same page before even considering it. Back then it was a thought at a whim, but it raises up the topic which should really be discussed and not done at a whim. Talk to him now, say you're not giving him a final "no", but that for now it's going to be a no go, but that in case the scenario repeats itself you want to talk about what a threesome is for the two of you, so you are prepared.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@YouWish.. Well, I'm sorry you don't agree with my lifestyle. I am one that thinks nudity is NOT a BAD thing, and casual sex is very, very common and fine between friends as long as it is protected. My boyfriend and I have always been exclusive, but that was just our choice, not related to our lifestyle.
As for the girl, she was initially interested in my boyfriend, and then met me, was disappointed at first,(that he was taken) but then we got along so great as friends, it became a non-issue. I think every male human would love the opportunity at a threesome, and the only reason we are still discussing this is because he realized how close he was to actually having one.
I looked again and have not left out any information, and just because we let loose does not mean we are degenerates, uneducated or unproductive members of society. I teach, my bf owns his own custom furniture business and we own our house.. The judgement wasn't neccessary, but thank you for your concern regarding my physically and mental well-being.
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reader, shanana +, writes (25 February 2011):
I'm gonna go against what everyone else is saying. If you are serious about inviting this woman into ya'lls bedroom, she needs to know that they can only be together when you're around. You and your man need to set ground rules. One last thing ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS
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reader, YouWish +, writes (25 February 2011):
 Wait a second. I think there's something missing from this story. Either way, you're living a very dangerous and risky lifestyle from the way this sounds like. Random naked hot tub sessions, this girl just having casual sex with guy friend. She visits but doesn't live here. Threesomes being planned like others plan trips to the grocery store.
This whole thing sounds like some endless wild college orgy, not what an established, mature, 30-35 woman considers routine. With the risk of pregnancy and disease running rampant, I'd advise to change the lifestyle for your own protection.
Otherwise, I'd be saying that you have feelings for this girl, you know? Either way, threesomes are usually a bad idea because someone (usually the main girlfriend) winds up getting really hurt.
This whole thing sounds off to me, like there's something being missed. Either way, it's making me cringe knowing that you could get hurt physically and mentally.
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reader, Denise32 +, writes (25 February 2011):
 No, you're not being paranoid. If I were you I wouldn't have the threesome - and not have her in your home or around your bf too often, either!
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reader, gregman430 +, writes (25 February 2011):
 your being to paranoid yes! thats sexy as hell though.. have the 3 some.. experimentation while your young is healthy!
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reader, raiders +, writes (25 February 2011):
 You are already having concerns about the threesome after effects so my recommendation is don't do it.
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reader, -Lonely +, writes (25 February 2011):
No you are not being paranoid. As a fantasy, I think it is a wonderful thing, but in reality emotions (like jealousy, envy, etc.) still play a huge part. When we are in a relationship, esp as long as you two have been, feelings that you two belong to each other developes.
Already there is doubt in your mind about their interest in each other. How is it going to be that in the act, your man does things to her and you feel left out or you feel that he is showing her too much attention? That is my argument to the whole threesome thing with my hubby. It would ruin it for me if my hubby did things to her that he would not do to me or has not done to me yet.
I've known too many people who have done it and ended up splitting up. My brother-in-law, a few friends, and even Jenna Jamison and her hubby (they had a live in gfriend.) They are in the porn industry and it still did not workout.
If you really want a threesome, I would say go to the bunny ranch in Nevada and pay for it. That way there is no strings attached other than pure physical pleasure.
Just my 2 cents.
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