A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone know much about attraction and how it works? I'm dating a model, have been for a few months and I just saw a new poster of him advertising something and it hit me that I don't really feel anything for him, no driving attraction. I guess I do sometimes, like when he holds me. He's a great guy, really down to earth for someone so good looking, smart and funny. We have a lot of fun together and he's really sweet. He says things like how nervous he was to first come up and talk to me, how he almost did then went away and tried again a bit later. He seems to really like me but hasn't made any move to start a relationship yet. I'm not sure I want him to know, considering my realization about attraction!I also am not sure if I'm over another guy yet. He and I have had a friends with benefits/rebound thing for about 10 months. He's away on a holiday now but we still email one another quite a lot, so we're sort of in limbo at the moment. While we've been together, I often had to consciously try to stop myself feeling too strongly for him. He's going to come visit me when he gets back next month and I'm not sure what I'll feel then. Despite us trying to keep things light, we've developed a strong connection to each other which we both feel (he brought it up with me first, so I know he wasn't just agreeing). He's 19 years older than me though, which I don't see as a problem apart from a niggling worry over what would happen in say another 20 or 30 years if we were together.So I'm not sure what to do now. Is it likely that the reason I'm not feeling it for the new guy is because of the other one? What does that suggest about my feelings for the older guy?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): You don't necessarily have to have a man. You can't go on having two. You need to think where you are heading in the future and is he heading there too with the same goals. How will he be supportive of us reaching these goals together and vice versa. Do we have the same beliefs in child raising if you are heading there, can you comfortably live with him as a companion to support each other, than the community supporting your arguments. You need to think about compatibility, similar values, similar interests, for friendship and company and a similar lifestyle. Why not take 2 weeks off and tell them both you are feeling unwell with a headache. Which one is the most concerning of you to you? Then tell the one you choose, you were sick because this was going on, the truth. At least he would know you do care about how these issues affect them.
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