A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am so confused. i have a boyfriend who i am not happy with. he lies,has hardly any ambition even if he works hard,he has nothing organized. i am so fed up. he has past issues with his family,is terribly ignorant and is a bit suicidal,when things get too tough. i am not a girl who takes looks into consideration when dating but i need a man who is emotionally strong. he is not. now a guy a who had liked me for years and i have secretly been friends with,has given me an ultimatum. i have to leave my boyfriend for the new year,for he and i to start our relationship as a couple. we have never even kissed. but i think i am in love with him. he makes me happy.but is also not perfect. he is flirtatious and sly, but i feel so safe with him and he has stuck with me for 7 years. he claims it's because i am different and he wants to take things slow with me. he's even spoken about marriage and kids. his friend has even told me he compares the love he has for me to the love ha has for his mom. i just am so scared,i don't want to lose him,but i will if i don't choose him. i don't want my bf killing himself but that might happen if i leave him. why is my possible happiness at the expense of another. i feel as if i am being torn, i just am not sure about spending 2010 with either of them. at the same time i can't see myself without them,especially my friend\possible lover.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009): Im not sure what to do about being split between them...but i can help if you want to break up with your current boyfriend. My ex was suicidal..i needed to break up with him, so on the way to see him i contacted his mom and she called her husband so he was safe and couldnt leave. You could get a hold of a friend or someone else close to him even his family although they have problems...it will all work out :) usually they wont do anything they just get upset and want you to think they are suicidal so you wont leave them. but everythings going to work out :) no worries
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): True love should not be a life or death decision but it should flourish naturally and gives you the feeling of not having to choose one person over another. You should take some time to yourself. Hang out with your friends and family more and recollect your thoughts. You don't have to make a decision by the new year, what kind of a person puts a due date on love? Love doesn't have a manufactured date or expiration date. If the guy is giving you an ultimatum, it doesn't sound right. If boyfriend is making you unhappy, it doesn't sound right either. So two wrongs (boyfriend and guy) doesn't make a right. If you and boyfriend haven't had a heart-to-heart talk about what is making you unhappy, then you should start there. If the talk doesn't improve your happiness with boyfriend, then let him go. Don't rush into a relationship with the friend/possible lover just because of convenience or rebound. Good Luck! :-)
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A
female
reader, jthomas +, writes (17 December 2009):
Don't feel guilty about leaving your current b/f if your unhappy. Look out for #1. If he lies to you and doesn't provide, he probably doesn't think too much about your feelings. Don't stay w/ someone simply because your afraid of being alone. I'd say that if your unhappy in your relationship and your 100% sure on that, break it off. It might be worth a shot w/ the other guy, but don't force something. Don't be afraid to be alone, you'll never meet the right guy if you spend all your time with the wrong ones. Good luck to you!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 December 2009):
You've found the best solution. To not see either of them You mustn't allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed by your boyfriend or this other guy. First of all, ditch your boyfriend, who clearly is dragging you down and needs to focus on himself. And secondly, be aware of the other guy. He was totally right to give you an ultimatum, but not the one he specifically gave, which was not to start dating, but to jump into another relationship. You don't need either of these guys in your life, and you could do much better just focusing on yourself and working out what you want from it all, not what two men want.
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