A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This isn't really relationship advise i'm seeking, more advice in general. and has spurred from relationships.I was in a relationship for two and a half years. i was absolutely obsessed with her. but now i realise she wasn't good for me, she undoubtedly cheated on me, and treated me like absolute shit. and totally fucked me over. sending me into deep depression.i then decided since then that i didn't want a relationship, to work on myself and be happy in myself as i know thats the only way i'll ever get a relationship to work. i had sex with a few girls, and talked to one for instance, who implied she liked me and decided to invite me to see her again, who then got drunk and pulled 3-4 guys infront of me and then left with another guy and left me in the middle of nowhere.i said, i won't have a relationship, unless i find a girl that fits the exact description of what i want.the whole time i was with my ex, i did have a thing for this other girl. who fit every description of what i want.She however didn't want a relationship with anyone, but we flirted alot and eventually had sex. i'd always liked her, and really wanted something with her. I then took ill from a rare disease and almost died. she came to visit me at hospital and we began to talk more regularily. once i'd got better we started seeing eachother alot more, the whole time it was like a half relationship, but not official.. which fucked with my head, she'd be hot and cold with me constantly and i began to like her more and more each day. i told her to not fuck me around, she knew all the shit i'd been through with my ex and everything else. She then decided she wanted to go back to being friends, which pissed me off, so i said i don't want just that from her, and didn't talk to her for a few weeks, she then decided she missed me too much and we started kissing and doing coupley kinda things again. however this was fine for a few weeks and then she did the same again. and now i'm back to being friends with her. which to be honest is not even friendship, it's more acquaintanceship, and a waste of time in my eyes, its all for her benefit. she will never contact me, its always me to her. i miss her and what we had. but again, i liked her more than she liked me.The problem i'm facing is, i am not entirely sure on what to do because i have never met a girl who hasn't messed me around. it's depressing me alot.I find girls like me alot, then once i begin to like them back, they become uninterested. i wouldn't mind so much if i was an ugly untalented dweeb, then i'd have something to focus on, and better myself so that i could find someone. but trying not to be modest, but i go to the gym regularly, have an 8pack abs. have never struggled with anything achievement wize. and i have about 90% sucess rate of 'pulling' if i go out.i get told by other guys, "i duno what your complaining about, wish i could do that" because it seems what everyone else wants.i am not happy single. and i don't trust anyone anymore, particularly women, not in a sexist way, just because i am yet to meet a nice one. so i'm stuck in a dilemma.i can't work out in my own mind how to be happy, no one seems to care about anything, or anyone unless it's for their own benefit. while i was on deaths door (I've almost died on two occasions) everyone jumped to my aid. and now it's back to nothing. people who care the least in relationships are always the ones happiest.i have talent in many things, good physique, looks, i'm a student so i don't have money clearly :P but i have alot going for me, yet i am unhappy with life, atleast 60-70% of the time. i find it impossible to be 'content' with what i have, i always strive to better myself with something. i quit smoking because of my illness, but i started again because of that girl, and now i am getting pains, as if i'm going to get ill again, but i'm struggling to care. i am skeptical of anything happening that is good, because for me everything goes right all at once, then all wrong all at once. for instance why couldn't i have got better and not met her. i would have been happier just surviving at the time. to be honest, i was happier in hospital, because it gave me a focus, a aim to survive. i feel i need a relationship to be happy, because i'm not otherwise. But i know i can't because you gotta be happy yourself before one works. and because i don't think i can trust another girl to not mess me around yet again...Any advice would be helpful, am mental? cos i have considered that.Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, emb169 +, writes (26 May 2011):
Its sounds like you have had a really REALLY hard time, and I'm sorry. But not all women are like that, I promise! It is hard in a relationship when you are giving your all and they just take without giving much, or anything back, I know. You are unhappy being single, but it may be best for you to just see people casually, as it satisfies your need to be with someone, while keeping you a bit safer from heartbreak, until you find someone who you want to be with long term.
I'm sure you're not mental, just you've been messed around by these women, which isn't fair, and its left you in turmoil. You need to focus on being happy yourself, you don't need another person to complete you. Yeah relationships can be great and at the time they are your whole world, but being single isn't all bad. That way you can enjoy yourself without the pain that can be inflicted by another person. If you have no trouble 'pulling' you can be sure to enjoy yourself, and as a student you lack any responsibilities to tie you down.
I think its best to just take a step back and just be wary, there is nothing wrong with keeping yourself in check until you know someone is worth giving your love to.
Hope that I've helped, feel free to message me
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 No, you're not mental.
I would recommend not sleeping with people if you're not in an official relationship with them. I noticed you said you slept with the person, and then everything turned to shit. Sex does that when it's not the right time or person.
I think you should surround yourself with female friends. Be yourself around them. Don't sleep with them, just be friends. Be genuine. Your personality will shine through and they will start to form an attraction to you. You need to hook the girl in first before you take the plunge.
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