A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok...I wrote a while ago and things have pretty much remained the same. We've talked a bit more and she told me that she's never felt this strongly about someone this quickly before....but she is pushing me away even more now. I don't call her, I hardly text her or email her at all...I am in no way putting pressure on her and she'd be the first to admit that. The thing is she got hurt very badly in the last year....its really a terrible thing that was done to her and it broke her heart bad...and she is scared. She also is having a real hard time trying to figure out what she wants in life (she is 26 and just getting her life started) if she wants to move far away, etc. She also suffers from a good bit of low self esteem....so these are her reasons for pushing me away. Anyhow, I've decided that I am simply not going to let her do it without a fight. I told her that I understand all of her reasons for wanting to run..the things about her AND me (I'm not perfect fyi) but that I am totally crazy about her and that if she wants to run, thats fine but she better get a good head start because I'm coming for her. The thing is, I'm kinda at a loss as to what to do next. I don't want to be a source of too much pressure or be a weird stalker type. I just need to know what steps I should take now. Have any of you been here before and had it work? Were you scared or resistant and had someone change your mind? Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, growing up +, writes (13 April 2009):
first you must listen to what she is saying to you and respect her feelings this is not about what you want ONLY but what she wants and can handle.. if you like this girl so much and step back and offer her friendship no strings attached.. stop the chase and earn her trust... that's really the foundation of any relationship.. listen and respect the other persons feelings.. and let it all unfold naturally
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Show her the respect she deserves...respect her wishes. you sound like a patient guy...you will have to be! All you can do is gently let her know you are there for her (NO Pressure!) It is up to her to figure the rest out.
I understand her reasons for being hesitant. She has a lot to resolve...Hopefully in time she will come to see it was you all the time! Good LUCK!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): I assume from how you worded this you want the ladies to answer this...But I have tried being persistent.. and chasing even when she runs away.. And not giving up the "fight".. It just pushed her further away."if she wants to run, thats fine but she better get a good head start because I'm coming for her."I don't suggest you do this unless she is in real trouble [like her safety is in jeopardy], or invites you to do so in some way. But invading her space, and infringing upon the boundaries she sets has NEVER ended well for me [tried on two separate occasions!]. The problem is, that she will view it as disrespect if you just continue to do something she asks you not to do, either verbally or through her actions [by running away from you]She's an emotionally unavailable woman and no matter what you do, how far you chase, or how loud you scream her name from the rooftops, only SHE can change her mind about that.But, if you absolutely insist on doing this.. Remain patient.. remain calm, and remain supportive. Don't pour your misery of your situation [it can be difficult and it can be frustrating] onto her. The thing is if she is already running from you and you are chasing she will be looking for any excuse to see you in a sinister light. Any old thing. So you really gotta mind your P's and Q's.
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