A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had found out that my girlfriend had accepted a married man while still in love with me, I ask her but there was no proper answer from her and I told her to call the man and tell him that she is going out with me but she refused to tell him on phone in my presence and when I reached at work she has to put me on conference and she just told that man to delet her number and never to call her again to be honest I was not convinced with this and I suspect they still communicate. now am asking what should I tell my girlfriend to prove and convince me that she has nothing to do with that man? I love her and she says loves me too
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 November 2016):
 If you cannot trust her well then love is just simply not enough. A relationship is built up with lots of things. Yes love is a big one, but so is respect, trust, being loyal, caring, forgiving.... the list goes on. Are you sure you are able to be happy with this woman if you think she is talking to other men?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2016): I must agree with Denizen. You have to take her word for it. If you have reason not to trust her, you should leave her. Sorry to say, that's a serious character-flaw. Having affairs with married people is a serious defect in trustworthiness.
Care to explain how it came about that you found-out about this married-man?
What solid proof do you have that she may still be contacting him? If you're acting on suspicion and you can no longer trust her; it is likely the insecurity is going to end the relationship anyway. You'll drive each other nuts.
Ask her a final time (that means "one last time!"), if she is still contacting the man. Let her know you are acting on trust; and your continuation of the relationship depends on that trust. Put it in those words. Give her the opportunity for confession, and handle it like a man. Not a stupid boy!
If it surfaces that she is cheating, abruptly end the relationship. No drama, no ego-driven rages, or stupid behavior. Man-up and leave. Cheaters put on grand performances only because they got caught. They will pull you into a soap opera drama, begging and pleading. Their biggest fear is you finding someone better and realizing you're getting on without them. They hate being beat at their own game of betrayal.
The truth will out itself. Cheaters get sloppy and karma will always expose them. The best way out, is just cut ties and move on. Punishing her, and a load of bullsh*t will not change a thing.
If she's innocent, she doesn't deserve being treated like a cheater. Your option to quit is immediate, if you can't handle what you think you already know about the married-man.
No sense torturing someone based on suspicion and insecurity. Give her a chance. If she's up to no good, she'll slip and you'll find out without even snooping around on her. Don't snoop! Look for trouble, and you'll find it.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (3 November 2016):
 You have to take your girlfriend's word unless you have evidence to the contrary. If you think she is that untrustworthy then you shouldn't be together.
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A
female
reader, Soup1129  +, writes (3 November 2016):
Tell her how you feel! Say look, I love you and I want this to work but I'm still uneasy about what happened and I feel like you still keep contact. Then ask her what could be done for her to prove to you. If she's not in contact with him, she will do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable and gain back your trust.
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