A
female
age
30-35,
*3chelciemarie
writes:I am not sure if I am confident in my reasons to stay with my boyfriend. In my boyfriends eyes, we have a great relationship, but in my eyes I feel like there is something off. I love him very much, in fact, he is my first love. We have been together for a little over a year and I feel like we are meant to be for some reason. Although we are both 20. I sometimes feel like I am acting like a young school girl with her first crush (copying his name in my notebook type). But for some reason I don't feel it is normal to love him this much this soon, like maybe there are other people. Also there are a lot of things I dont like about him, but then I think maybe I am being too picky but disliking this and making it a deal breaker. Either way I need help, because I am not confident in my choices in my relationship, what should I do?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (12 September 2012):
 There are 2 parts to this problem:
1. He is your first serious boyfriend so you will of course wonder what other guys would be like, the feeling like there are other people is totally normal for someone who is in their first serious relationship. The real question is; does your love for him outweigh your curiosity about other people? Can you happily say that you want to be with him for the rest of your life and live life only having been with 1 man? Some people can, some people cant - the choice is yours.
2. You are a young girl and you are unfortunately still at the age when drama is exciting, so when you have a good relationship and are both in love you will look for excuses as to why it isnt working to make things more exciting. Girls love drama, and when things are going well it is boring so they look for reasons why they are not happy with their boyfriends to give some excitement in life. Being with someone a year is a long time, so that is a silly thing to say that you shouldnt love him this much this soon - if you are not madly in love after a year there would be a bigger problem! And you trying to pick at his flaws is just you looking for drama, everyone has flaws and you know these flaws are not a big deal, you say yourself you love him very much - so in the grand scheme of things these flaws dont matter. But because you need the drama you need him to have flaws to give you something to think and obsess about.
If I'm honest I dont think you are ready for a serious long term relationship, you are too young and too immature and you are going to pick this poor guy apart piece by piece, when in fact you are actually very lucky to have a happy relationship where you are both in love. Have a good long think about this, but if you are wondering about other people and are picking at this guy's minor flaws already then I dont think this is going to work, you probably need to be single for a while and date lots of other guys to get it out of your system. Will you regret leaving your lovely boyfriend when you find out what other guys are like? Probably, but eventually you will find another decent guy. But the experience of being single and dating some awful guys will help you grow up and appreciate a good, loving relationship rather than taking it for granted as you are now.
I hope this helpd and good luck!
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